Wish I Could Last Longer...

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
BatBoy08
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Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby BatBoy08 » Sat Dec 05, 2015 2:41 pm

First of all, I really appreciate the operators and contributors of this website, what a helpful resource! I'm not sure if this is the right category for my topic and I'm also not sure if this has been discussed before, but here goes.

I was a habitual masturbator before I was married and I am wondering if that has lead to my quick ejaculations and orgasms currently in the marriage bed. I just can't seem to last long at all! This is not a matter of holding the ejaculation back (as in kegel exercises) but a matter of how quickly the orgasm and ejaculation arrive in the first place! Quality of erection is not an issue either. I just can't thrust that long at all until I'm ready to explode and when I do stop and hold it doesn't take much to get me back again. I wish I could thrust and please my wife for a long time before getting to my orgasm.

So, first of all, do you think my prior habitual masturbation has anything to do with it? Second, can anything be done to help with this?

Thanks so much!

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby SeekingChange » Sat Dec 05, 2015 3:18 pm

Have you checked out "edging"? That's what my husband did in our early years, it's not a quick fix, but we have been reaping the fruits of his labor and my patience.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Nova » Sat Dec 05, 2015 3:35 pm

BatBoy08 wrote:So, first of all, do you think my prior habitual masturbation has anything to do with it?

I doubt it. My understanding is that masturbation actually tends to work the other way; that you become accustom to a higher level of tightness, speed, and friction than intercourse can usually supply, and it can therefore be difficult for some men to orgasm during intercourse if they are frequent masturbators.

What's the specific timeframes we're talking about here? Seconds? 2 minutes? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? Are you thrusting the whole time? It might just be a difference between expectations and reality, not a real problem.
Please don't think I'm being aggressive just because I use strong language. If I'm posting on your thread, it's because I care.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Oklahoma » Sat Dec 05, 2015 4:22 pm

Is it possible not to just be one & done? No doubt dependent on how quickly you 'recharge', but for me....my first O is always way to fast....second, or third etc.... takes some time. Plenty of things to do while you get a second wind....that will make your DW's O faster too....or more than just one too!!! :D

BatBoy08
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby BatBoy08 » Sat Dec 05, 2015 7:08 pm

Thanks for the responses so far!

Nova, sometimes it is a matter of 30-60 seconds after intercourse begins, maybe quicker. After that I have to be very careful to reach orgasm to quickly and I usually have to reserve vigorous, even moderate thrusting until it's time for me to bring about my orgasm.

Your thought on expectations versus reality is a good one to consider. I guess my expectations were/are that I should be able to thrust at different speeds (slow, moderate, vigorous) for around 3-4 minutes total (not counting pauses in the thrusting for different activities) before reaching orgasm.

This might be a good sub-question for this thread. If you clocked specifically the amount of time you spend thrusting (not quickies but average to extended love-making sessions), how much would it be? It would help to know if my case is the norm or not.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Oklahoma » Sat Dec 05, 2015 7:16 pm

Worry not about what the norm is! Does not matter. Work at making sure your DW gets her 'jollies' too! That's what it's all about! I have had times, where there was no thrusting involved. Zero seconds. Just trying to enter did the trick. :oops:
So.....we learned to move on to other things and get her there too.....that was my plan....a good one. :)

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby SLS » Sat Dec 05, 2015 8:28 pm

Like Oklahoma I have had a number of times where just entering set me off. Sometimes that is just going to happen. A couple of observations:

1. I go faster after a period of little to no sex. The last month was a low frequency period for us and when we ML I last night I only lasted about a minute or so with low thrusting. How often are you making love?

2. I go faster when my wife really gets into it. When DW really gets into it and starts stimulating me with reckless abandon it is extremely hard to hold off orgasming. I sometimes have to ask DW to slow down a little so she doesn't send me over the edge too quickly.

3. Some positions send me over the edge quicker more than others. From behind for example can very easily send me over the edge. WOT can be extremely stimulating for me as well. Missionary is the one where I can control myself the most and I used it to help learn how to control myself more.

4 Alternating speed of thrusting helps me last longer. I can go in 10 seconds flat if I thrust on full power constantly.

5 When I get close I stop thrusting and start thinking and or talking about other things. These things in combination really help me last longer. If I just stop thrusting my brain is like, "You are inside her, you are inside her, YOU ARE INSIDE HER!). Thinking about a TV show or talking about something not sex related with DW really helps. (also it helps build even more intimacy with DW by talking with her while we are connected.)

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Epaminondas » Sun Dec 06, 2015 11:41 am

How long do you last when masturbating? Did/do you always try to finish as fast as possible? As has been said, for most a lot of masturbation can make it take longer to finish by intercourse.
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Drob » Sun Dec 06, 2015 1:59 pm

Have you ever tried what I call a two-fer, when you O early on then focus on her for a while, then finish with PIV once you're aroused again?

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby George B. » Sun Dec 06, 2015 11:42 pm

Another idea: kegels. I have done them for years and I have as much control as I want and can thrust for as long as needed until my wife is ready. We've had a lot of simultaneous orgasms as a result.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby VTS19823 » Mon Dec 07, 2015 2:30 am

BatBoy08 wrote:So, first of all, do you think my prior habitual masturbation has anything to do with it?


I tend to think that there IS a correlation between masturbation habits and how long a man lasts during sex. For many (probably most) boys / young men growing up masturbation is something they do in private and without anyone knowing. It's not something they want their parents, siblings, room / house mates, etc, etc to know or find out about. So most boys tend to masturbate with the main goal being the end result, the orgasm, rather than the exploratory journey - and to reach this end result as fast as possible so as not to get caught. Thus, they (we) condition themselves to orgasm as quickly as possible in the shortest amount of time available so that they don't get caught by mom or whoever else. Once you have conditioned your mind and body (and the connection they have) in this way it is very difficult to recondition it. I definitely believe that it will not happen without some serious thought into the matter and an active effort to recondition it over a considerable period of time.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby BatBoy08 » Mon Dec 07, 2015 8:39 am

Thanks for your help folks! It's great to get advice and perspective. I will work on these suggestions for lasting longer as well as having reasonable expectations. It's good to know that it is common for men to not last long sometimes and also possible, with practice, to successfully hold off an orgasm. I think having reasonable expectations is most important. I was under the impression that most men were able to last a loooooong time before orgams and I was in the minority.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby George B. » Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:26 am

You're definitely not in the minority. This is a very common issue among men.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby BradM » Mon Dec 07, 2015 10:01 am

I think it's just something that is in your head, and it's making matters worse. I know some may disagree with me here, but what about thinking about something boring or odd while you are thrusting so that it reprograms your mind to not focus on how good it feels, making your wife orgasm, etc? I know that is probably not what your wife wants you to think about, but it may just work. The more you focus on "doing better" the worse it may become. This is just a phase....guaranteed!

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Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Husband_In_Training » Mon Dec 07, 2015 12:11 pm

BradM wrote:This is just a phase....guaranteed!

I wish I could say that was true. I've been sexually active with my wife for 15 years and it's still difficult to delay the point of no return for very long. In my case LM is so infrequent that no amount of thinking about the most disgusting things imaginable can get my mind off the fact that I'm actually having sex...wow! My DW doesn't care for slow and gentle, she wants hard and fast - so it's even more difficult to control. She doesn't complain and says she's fine with what we do, but I'd imagine she would sometimes like more than 60 seconds of fun (active thrusting hard enough for her to be stimulated). The 3 or 4 times a month we ML doesn't seem like it will ever satiate me enough for this not to be the case (even with a recent release the mental 'high' of PIV is just too much).

Those of you who can control this are truly blessed.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby BradM » Mon Dec 07, 2015 12:16 pm

The infrequency is a huge issue. The less often you have sex, all things equal, the greater the probability of you experiencing premature ejactulation. I think her always wanting it "hard and fast" isn't helping the issue either. I highly recommend a candid discussion with your spouse about this so that the two of you can fully enjoy the sex you deserve.

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Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby George B. » Mon Dec 07, 2015 12:46 pm

Husband_In_Training wrote:Those of you who can control this are truly blessed.

It's not a question of being blessed. I don't thinking about disgusting things during sex really helps. In my personal experience, kegels help more than anything else for personal stamina. They, coupled with a conversation with your wife about frequency and manner of your sexual interactions, will really help improve things. PM me if you need specifics on performing kegels. Or look them up on the Internet.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Oklahoma » Mon Dec 07, 2015 12:55 pm

I think there's much involved, and what works for one, may or may not work for another. I have tried everything....take a break...slow...fast....kegals....edging.....thinking of anything other than what's going on, disgusting or otherwise.... makes no difference. My first one...is "this won't take long.....did it?" :oops: That's how it is, and that's after 40 years.... :oops: So.....the cure for us....no one and done. Keep going.....and go again. Again, that won't be the solution for all....but has been for us. Emphasis on 'us'. Experiment and figure it out.....that's fun anyway. There is a solution that works for both of you! :)

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby violet » Mon Dec 07, 2015 1:52 pm

My hubby just stops and I try to stop so he can calm down a bit to make it last. He doesn't masturbate though.
Former refuser of 9 years. Celebrated ninth anniversary with an awakening that only God could have timed!

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby ghostrider » Mon Dec 07, 2015 2:36 pm

Why is your frequency only once a week? If you want to get better, it will probably take more frequent practice. Discuss your desires with your wife - she will need to have some patience and be willing to work with you, but the reward for both of you could be a much better sex life.


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