Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibility)

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Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibility)

Postby Clean Sheets » Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:09 pm

Anyone ever researched to find out what their personality profile is and that of their spouse? I'd love to see a discussion on this since my DW and I are COMPLETE opposites... which can be a blessing or a train wreck. For the first few years, it was an absolute train wreck - but now more of a blessing.

I've found this website to be helpful if you've never taken the test.

Can't wait to hear from others! Doing this test may explain a lot! I know it did for me!

CS

EDIT TO ADD: Found this link that combines Myers-Briggs with discussion on sex.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby Clean Sheets » Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:11 pm

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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:52 am

Yeesh, 60 questions? I love taking tests and quizzes, but getting DH on board might be a little tricky. I can't even get 20 minutes of his time for sex these days, let alone doing an online quiz for me. :?

I have the feeling I'll come up as totally unloveable. :lol:
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby neilethere » Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:06 am

I love Briggs-Meyer, and I know that train wreck of complete opposites. still sort of waiting for the blessing part though. :D Just a small caution, some of the questions on line are different to the test you might do with a counsellor and the results can be slightly different as a consequence. But as an indicator it is helpful and the desriptions of personality types can be a wonderful help in both relationships and other areas of life (work for instance). I found Briggs-Meyer far more useful than 'Love Languages'.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby Markten » Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:49 am

I've been using the Prepare-Enrich program for pre-marital and marital counseling for several years now.
The inventory includes the Five Factor personality profile which, as the name indicates, looks at five different aspects of each partners personality. It's very helpful, and some of my couples will show up as polar opposites on certain aspects, closer on others.
The guided discussion exercise that goes with profile tries to help the couple see that different personality types don't have to mean "train wreck" but instead are opportunities for teamwork.

I love Prepare-Enrich as a pre- or marital counseling tool. I hope it's helped me help some couples avoid train wrecks.

If you'd like to know more about Prepare-Enrich, feel free to post here or pm me.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby jokerman » Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:54 am

Do people with similar personalities ever get married? And how happy are those marriages?
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby luvmygirls » Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:35 am

IME, those answers will change over the years as we mature. I know that in our case, we are more alike now than we used to be, but we are also different enough that we balance each other out AND we understand the differences a little better than we used to so we respond to each other a little differently.
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Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibility)

Postby mamame » Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:51 am

Can you imagine the train wreck of being married to someone just like yourself? Blech.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby cadence » Wed Oct 05, 2011 7:40 am

jokerman wrote:Do people with similar personalities ever get married? And how happy are those marriages?


Dh and I have similar personalities, with a few large differences in how we think or do things. I've always been pretty happy about the fact that we get along easily. The things that are different have been issues at certain times (I jump into the metaphorical pool right away in cannon ball like fashion, have fun, get out....he dips his toes in for half the day, finally choosing to ease himself in, and then he's doing master swim type things for the rest of the day....differences)....have also been a help. I have the spark that starts us going, he is the brakes that makes us look at things from different angles before we jump in. I"m more creative, he's more engineered mindset. This is annoying at times because I wish I had someone who understood some things a bit better, and I"m sure when he's explaining something for the millionth time that he wishes I were a bit more like him as well. But in starting our business, we needed both. We compliment each other in that way. But we're not opposite enough to have it interfere with everyday living.

I also don't know how much we're alike because we met so young and made many of our stances on things together. Our sense of humor is very similar, for example. But I do know that I appreciate having a friend that understands me, that I can laugh with and know we're both on the same page and one of us isn't going to get offended by the other person's "dry" humor. I like that I can tell him something that's going on and he already agrees with me on what to do, regardless of being here in person or not. We're moving into our RV soon, and just last night I'd said that I'd brought up PODS as a possible storage situation but that I don't want to go that route. He said he didn't either, but because I"d done some homework on it, I wanted to know what his gut was. Turns out, it was exactly what I'd already thought of myself. The things we aren't seeing eye to eye on are probably more than 99% of the time something I've cannon balled into and he's still dipping his toes into. So yes, I think we're pretty happy.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby dr.mom » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:22 am

jokerman wrote:Do people with similar personalities ever get married? And how happy are those marriages?


According to the research I have seen, people with similar personalities often do marry and in general they have a higher success rate than those who are radically different. That is not to say opposite people cannot have a successful marriage, just that fewer of them do in general. My best friend is an ENTJ while her husband is an INFP; nearly total opposites. They have struggle much over the years because of their deep differences.

I have often used the Myers-Briggs and while no test is perfect, there are some useful things to be learned form it. One of the most helpful is the right hand-left hand concept. We each have two hands, but tend to prefer to us one or the other. The preference is natural and in-born and changing it isn't really going to happen. Neither one is better, but they are different. The same is true for aspects of our personality regarding where we get our energy, how we process information, what we rely on for decision making, and how we prefer to make decisions. If you are right handed, you can learn to use your left hand, even write with it, but it is difficult, clumsy and uncomfortable and often the results are messy. So we favor our right hand. The same is true of these aspects of our personality. We are more comfortable with one way and we lean on that even though we can 'use the other hand' when necessary.

My DH and I share three of the four scales on the myers-briggs, but we differ in how strong those three traits are. I pretty much peg the I and J meters, he is more in the middle. He pegs the T scale, I am more moderate there. So even though we share the traits, we express them differently.

The place we differ wildly is in the way we think Sensing (him) vs Intuitive(me). About 75% of the world has a sensing preference, putting me as the odd ball. He is stepwise and methodical in his thinking, I am big picture and make intuitive leaps with information. I read stuff backwards, from the last page to the first--lots of 'N' types do. He can't understand it at all.

For a long time that difference caused huge conflict. He couldn't understand how I came to the conclusions I did, even if he agreed with me, not understanding every step along the way made him nuts. I felt like he treated me like an idiot because he would explain things in excruciating detail and not just give me the big picture.

When we were finally able to see what was going on, we were able to step back and recognize when the S-N conflicts happened and try to give each other what they needed rather than force the other to 'think like me'. It has made a big difference and we often divide tasks according to strength now.

The big thing here for me with the Myers-Briggs is that used rightly it can help us see that our partner is not flawed or wrong but 'left-handed' where we are 'right-handed'. They are different and that difference is legitimate, neither is better or right, both are essential. We can learn to appreciate the gift we have in someone who is good at the things we may not be.

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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby Markten » Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:04 am

Interesting discussion.
Somebody told me once that young people tend to marry opposites; people marrying later in life tend to marry similar personalities. I haven't worked enough with couples who married late in life to see if that's true, but intuitively I feel it's probably true.

As for couples that marry young I do find that on at least one of the Five Factor scales they are pretty far apart. Quite often I see it on the "Social" scale which looks at introversion vs. extroversion. That's the case with my wife and me. After almost 25 years she still has a hard time understanding introversion because it's just not her make up.

I like the analogy of right and left hand. When I show a couple their personality profiles I tell them not to expect changes, but to appreciate their partner for who they are and think in terms of teamwork.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby Shipguy » Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:25 am

I am an INTJ. DW is an ESFP. From what I can tell, not one of the more common matches. :shock:
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby luvmygirls » Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:23 pm

I don't know what DW is, but I just took one of the tests and came back ENFP, and the profile fits me pretty well. It's creepy how accurately it describes me. I'm going to see if DW will take it this weekend and we can compare notes.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby christianlover » Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:45 pm

I've used this as part of marital counseling for years--just to provide a jumping off point to illustrate different points of view that will ultimately emerge in the marriage.

I'm an INTJ. My wife is an INFJ.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby blushingwife » Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:55 pm

ISFP was my result now. (28 25 62 22)
I am pretty sure it is very different from the results I had in 15 years ago.
So yeah, people change.

Edited to add: DH just did his. He is INTJ
Last edited by blushingwife on Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby Shipguy » Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:10 pm

blushingwife wrote:I am pretty sure it is very different from the results I had in 15 years ago.
So yeah, people change.


I have been thoroughly and totally INTJ for 30 years. I have analyzed the "why" of it to death all by myself, but I keep the reasons to myself. I have difficulty talking about it.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby mmapags » Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:13 pm

ENFJ here. But don't know what dw is. That being said we are the same on the big things and totally different on the small things. it can be wonderful or it can be a grind! When we compliment each other it's great. When we try to dominate each other with our style it's not pretty.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby The Knight's Lady » Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:23 pm

jokerman wrote:Do people with similar personalities ever get married? And how happy are those marriages?


DH and I had to take the Meyers-Briggs test as part of our premarital counseling. We are both ISTJ type and have a very happy marriage.
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby Shipguy » Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:18 pm

Here's what life with an INTJ and an ESFP is like:


ESFP: Are you hiding in here?
INTJ: No.
ESFP: The house is full of people, why are you alone in here? You should be out there with them having fun.
INTJ: I am working on the household budget for next year. I like to work in quiet.
ESFP: But why... these are your family. Don't you want to be around them? Next year?
INTJ: They live here. I am around them all day. You at least get to leave the house for work! And yes, next year. The whole point of budgeting is the planning part.
ESPF: You think you would want to be around your family as much as possible.
INTJ: Not every waking moment.
ESFP: Well, I want to talk to you. It will be fun.
INTJ: I am very busy and almost done with....
ESFP: That's OK. Why have you been so mo... Hold on.
INTJ: Why did you turn the TV on?
ESFP: I thought it would be fun to watch this show about medieval atrocities.
INTJ: While we are talking? And why would you want to watch something like that?
ESFP: I want to know what those people were feeling.
INTJ: Well, how about we turn it off while we are talking.
ESFP: Killjoy. OK.. so why have you been moping around all day?
INTJ: Just deep in thought on some stuff. And I have not been moping. Moping is "Wander around listlessly and aimlessly ". I have been sitting here.
ESFP: Like what?
INTJ: Nothing I want to talk about.
ESFP: It must be something if you are moping around.
INTJ: It will be OK. It will clear soon enough. And I am not moping.
ESFP: Sweetie, you know I want to share your feelings. You hardly ever let me in there. Feelings don't go away by themselves. We need to get these things out in the open.
INTJ: OK... Yesterday you said...
ESFP: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH..... I knew it.. you hate me! Sometimes I wonder if you really love me when you say things like that. I must be just a pile of dirt.
INTJ: Um, what?
ESFP: Every time we discuss your feelings you do this!
INTJ: We've not actually discussed my feelings (ever). I didn't even finish my sentence (again).
ESFP: You did not have to. I know how you feel now and you want to know how I feel?
INTJ: (er... not really...)
ESFP: Unloved.
INTJ: Looks at ceiling
ESFP: Pouts
INTJ: (OK... lets examine what just happened... first she came in the room talking....)
ESFP: Lets go grocery shopping. It will be fun!
INTJ: Can I think about it?

(Names have been changed to protect the guilty. Things are further away than they appear in the mirror. Your mileage may vary. These are professional personality types performing dangerous conversation. Do not try this at home.)
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Re: Myers-Briggs (Personality Types & Marriage Compatibilit

Postby Vanna » Wed Oct 05, 2011 7:49 pm

While I haven't really explored this version of the personalities studies, I must say that the book "Personality Plus for Couples" by Florence Littauer was instrumental in helping me regain my sanity and patience with my husband at the low point of our marriage.

It's a simpler breakdown, but still helpful overall. Understanding that he wasn't just doing all those annoying things because he was inconsiderate or willfully annoying went a long way to helping me be more patient with his quirks (and the quirks of others around me- I still find it helps me better relate to those I work with in ministry). It also helped me understand the challenges that my own personality quirks presented to all of my relationships, not just my marriage.

While hubby and I are opposites in many ways, there were some respects where we had some similarities too, so that has been fun to exploit in our marriage.

Anyway, I believe that understanding personalities can really help any relationship in the long run. 8)
Praise God!! 23 years and 6 children later... things just keep getting better!!

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