Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Addiction, wrong expectations, habitual masturbation ...

Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby gLOVE » Sun Aug 08, 2010 9:05 pm

My DW and I started a few years ago with some mild films (instructional type) and we would watch them together and kind of "follow along" with what was going on. About 6 months ago on a "horny" night, we went into an adult XXX store and bought 3 porn DVD's with anticipation of watching them together. Since then we have only watched the videos maybe 3 or 4 times.

The reason for my post is, the few times we watched the porn we had amazing sexual experiences. We basically imitated what we saw on screen and of course the sights and sounds were extremely arousing during our love session. All that to say, lately each time I suggest it to my DW she is kind of drawn back from it and says she feels guilty for watching it. I understand what she is saying but if both of us mutally watch together only and both of us get off on it together then is there really a big deal. Should I convince her that it is ok or is it truly wrong to watch it period even if it is together.
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby padsnd » Mon Aug 09, 2010 3:03 am

gLOVE wrote:My DW and I started a few years ago with some mild films (instructional type) and we would watch them together and kind of "follow along" with what was going on. About 6 months ago on a "horny" night, we went into an adult XXX store and bought 3 porn DVD's with anticipation of watching them together. Since then we have only watched the videos maybe 3 or 4 times.

The reason for my post is, the few times we watched the porn we had amazing sexual experiences. We basically imitated what we saw on screen and of course the sights and sounds were extremely arousing during our love session. All that to say, lately each time I suggest it to my DW she is kind of drawn back from it and says she feels guilty for watching it. I understand what she is saying but if both of us mutally watch together only and both of us get off on it together then is there really a big deal. Should I convince her that it is ok or is it truly wrong to watch it period even if it is together.


It is truly wrong to watch it period. Regardless of whether you both agree to it, you have basically brought another person, or probably multiple persons, into your marriage bed. This is really no different than having a threesome or having an "open" marriage relationship. Regardless of what you call it, it is a form of adultery. You can't be justified by mutually agreeing to sin.

You should break all ties to this immediately, it's not good for either of you. I would also suggest that you destroy the videos so that they cannot be used in the future by you or anyone else.
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby mamame » Mon Aug 09, 2010 5:03 am

BTDT - it's a bad, bad deal.

It's a trap.

You can have that hot rocking sex without it. Trust me, you don't need it. When you have really hot sex without the porn, it is SOO much better. Seriously better.
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby gLOVE » Mon Aug 09, 2010 5:09 am

I've never been one to be "addicted" to porn or lustful things so at first this didn't seem very abnormal. I agree, I felt it was weird at first but after we enjoyed it together a few times I thought that since it was mutual and neither of us had to have it or was watching it outside of when we were together then it was ok. Then my DW started questioning if it was right, now I am questioning the same thing. Thanks for response I will remove them today to avoid any future issues.

I guess we could make our own movies to enjoy watching together!! :D :D
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby mamame » Mon Aug 09, 2010 5:11 am

cool.

Porn is so tricky. You don't have to get addicted to it, for it to start eroding away your sexual intimacy. We let it be part of our marriage for 15 years and it's taking us a really long time heal.
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby KyWildcat » Mon Aug 09, 2010 5:17 am

gLOVE wrote:Is watching porn with your wife ok??

No!
Marriage will show your immaturity and selfishness faster than anything on earth. You either grow up or grow apart. It's your choice.

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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby God's Geek » Mon Aug 09, 2010 6:42 am

gLOVE wrote: I thought that since it was mutual and neither of us had to have it or was watching it outside of when we were together then it was ok. Then my DW started questioning if it was right, now I am questioning the same thing.


Right THERE you have seen the initial effect of porn on your relationship with your DW. So, YES, it is having a negative impact on your marriage.

gLOVE wrote: Thanks for response I will remove them today to avoid any future issues.


You are a wise man, may God bless your marriage bed many times over for seeking His will!

GG
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby Headsong » Mon Aug 09, 2010 8:01 am

This is one where your heart and mind might already be disconnected. Because you WANT to do it, and want to tell your mind to find some good reasons to do so.

Listen to the folks here. This is about the slipperiest slope that I know of. You'll go over a cliff very quickly, and it will hurt a lot.
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby PS56 » Mon Aug 09, 2010 9:48 am

gLOVE wrote:I guess we could make our own movies to enjoy watching together!! :D :D

That's a much better idea. :wink:
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby JohnnyChristlike » Wed Aug 11, 2010 4:07 am

It looks like the issue has been resolved, so my rant can be tapered down a bit. But there is something that I want you to remember. Sins of adultery or lust may superficially feel like sins against one's spouse, but ultimately they are sins against God. He should be our first love. So if watching porn and having that lust in your heart stirred through the visual images is wrong without your wife, it's just as wrong with your wife. Is sex with another woman or another couple okay just because you have your wife's blessing or even her participation? Absolutely not. The point is that you are both being aroused by something other than each other, and that temporary thrill you felt because the sex appeared to be more hot and steamy, is the effects of porn. That's the addictive part that sinks its hooks into your soul.
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby Calvin77 » Wed Aug 11, 2010 7:38 am

One more thing to remember with porn is that you are entertaining yourself with other people's sad state of depravation. Would it be OK to to get pleasure out of watching a drug addict get high? There would be no porn industry if people didn't watch it. So, in a sense, you are paying these people to do what they are doing. With the anology above, you are the one providing the addict with his drugs, and then you are finding pleasure in watching him waste away with them. Think for a second how this porn actress's parents would feel about you paying their daughter to do this for your entertainment. When you watch porn you are contributing to the heartbreak of many. You are hurting people. Lots of people. You are helping destroy families and children (many of those actors surely have kids). Watching porn is disobeying the command to Love thy Neighbor in a very major way. It should make you weep to see people in this sad state, it shouldn't get you off. Just something else to think about.
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby gLOVE » Wed Aug 11, 2010 4:36 pm

Thanks for replies, yesterday I took them out of the safe and put them in my stuff to take to work for today. I have shredding service at work and was going to put them in that to be destroyed (couldn't just throw them in regular garbage!). Well here is the funny thing, my mother in law came over this AM to watch the kids and the videos were just laying right there with my keys and stuff, I had to grab them and shove them in my pants just to get them out of the house!! I don't think she saw them but....I'm glad they are out of my house for good now!!

Thanks again!

Working on ideas on videoing our own acts to watch!! Any special links on TMB for videoing yourselves?? Or any outside links that would have good ideas (clean websites only).
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby MapleSyrup » Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:45 pm

This is one about individual videos:
viewtopic.php?f=99&t=40359&p=598123&hilit=video#p598123

Here's a great one about home made videos with links to other topics in the second response:
viewtopic.php?f=99&t=38617&p=567411&hilit=video#p567411

Have fun!
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby MapleSyrup » Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:49 pm

As Far as General Tips Go:
1) Make sure you have a tripod
2) Good lighting
3) A camcorder with a remote so you can "record" and "pause" from bed... and even "zoom"!
4) If you want to get elaborate, make up your own cheesy storylines and put on a great act
5) Make sure you have a good angle for the "money shot"
6) ALWAYS STORE THE VIDEOS UNDER LOCK AND KEY... the last thing you want is to traumatize a child or cause someone else to sin by lusting after stumbling on your video by mistake. If you don't have proper storage, delete videos quickly.

7) If you want to be adventurous in the moment, set up the camcorder and hook it up to a nearby tv... this way you can see yourselves in the act on the big screen while you ML. It's kind of like having a high tech mirror at your disposal... :lol:
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby MapleSyrup » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:48 am

Any updates gLOVE? :wink:
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby gLOVE » Mon Aug 16, 2010 5:02 am

DVD porn is gone!! Had a harder time getting rid of it than I thought! Shredded 2 of them and decided to keep 1 for "just in case". DW told me that I'm just having a hard time accepting that I don't "need" them. Next day it was gone!! Saturday night we ML and it was intense!! I think God was blessing our MB for our choices.

All that to say, wife is open to video camera hooked to TV with no recording. She said if she decides to make a video she wants to make sure we have the lighting and position of camera right....I mentioned that I just wanted to make sure "our" positions were right!! She said "they are always right!!" Love was TMB is doing in my MB!
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby MapleSyrup » Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:01 am

gLOVE wrote:DVD porn is gone!! Had a harder time getting rid of it than I thought! Shredded 2 of them and decided to keep 1 for "just in case". DW told me that I'm just having a hard time accepting that I don't "need" them. Next day it was gone!! Saturday night we ML and it was intense!! I think God was blessing our MB for our choices.

All that to say, wife is open to video camera hooked to TV with no recording. She said if she decides to make a video she wants to make sure we have the lighting and position of camera right....I mentioned that I just wanted to make sure "our" positions were right!! She said "they are always right!!" Love was TMB is doing in my MB!

::al ::clap

Yay! So excited to hear this!
Great job and good on you two! You may be tempted to bring porn back in a few days/months/years from now, but I encourage you to remain strong in the resolve you're experiencing right now. It is so worth it keeping your marriage porn-free!
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby committedcouple » Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:18 am

THANKS!!! For sharing your story gLOVE.
Me and my wife had talked alittle about it 2 months ago. I had told her one of my friends watches porn with his wife, she was surprised and said " I didn't think many women would do that?". Then alittle later she said to me "I will watch XXX movie with you, if you want". I told her it was not something Christians should do and that I did not want to get caught up in it. She said, she only would watch one if I wanted to.Well the more I thought about it, the more I thought maybe we should watch one together.
So reading this post was A VERY BIG BLESSING. I was so close to doing something I would have regeted.
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby blushingwife » Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:44 am

committedcouple wrote: "I didn't think many women would do that?".


Hmm... I am always surprised that people are surprised about women struggling with porn.

At any rate, that's what I call God's providence, that you stumbled upon this thread at this very moment of your life! What a blessing!!!
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Re: Is watching porn with your wife ok??

Postby gLOVE » Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:44 pm

I'm glad my story can help, I would never consider myself to be addicted to porn, but I was surely decieved by its power over your sex life. A few months ago I took it upon myself to ask all my friends on my email lists to not send me anything "XXX" oriented. I was overwhelmed by the response I got, almost all of them supported my decision and were talking about how they would like to do the same but just didn't have the "balls" to do it. So yes I feel I've made big strides to "reinvent" my MB in so many ways lately!
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