Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

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Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby Druid » Fri Jan 01, 2010 5:27 pm

DW's father was over today, as he usually does on Friday afternoons. As the hour approaches dinner, DW and he start discussing the weekend (he usually takes two of the kids for a sleepover). He offers, instead of taking the kids, that he would stay for dinner and let us have a date night, since he knows it has been months since we have been out by ourselves. DW asks the kids if they would rather have a sleepover or let Mommy & Daddy go on a date. Gee, if you were a kid, what would you pick???

So, simple dinner and two kids to Grandpa's house. Romance = FAIL.
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby sweetangel » Fri Jan 01, 2010 6:42 pm

I would have just said in front of the kids to your wife. Umm they dont have a choice darl we are going out.
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby robin » Fri Jan 01, 2010 8:51 pm

No need for kick in the gonads. Just call that prince of a fil and let him know everyone was caught off guard last week but you would LOVE to take him up on his offer this coming Friday night. Then inform your wife that grandpa will be arriving at x time on Friday and she needs to be dressed and ready for it.

Women and women with kids, usually have a mental list running,especially by the end of the week. I'm not surprised that being caught off guard like that she had the reaction she did. I live for date nights (which I usually have to plan) and I would have needed time to process. Give her a chance to mentally prepare.
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby Druid » Fri Jan 01, 2010 8:57 pm

sweetangel wrote:I would have just said in front of the kids to your wife. Umm they dont have a choice darl we are going out.

Unfortunately, I was not in the room. I heard the conversation from another room and could not get to their part of the house before the decision was already made.
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby Druid » Fri Jan 01, 2010 9:15 pm

robin wrote:No need for kick in the gonads. Just call that prince of a fil and let him know everyone was caught off guard last week but you would LOVE to take him up on his offer this coming Friday night. Then inform your wife that grandpa will be arriving at x time on Friday and she needs to be dressed and ready for it.

Women and women with kids, usually have a mental list running,especially by the end of the week. I'm not surprised that being caught off guard like that she had the reaction she did. I live for date nights (which I usually have to plan) and I would have needed time to process. Give her a chance to mentally prepare.

I have to say that this is a pattern-thing with my wife, and with her father. He has made this offer fairly regularly (if we do not ask, he typically offers on the days when his wife doesn't come with him, about once every couple of months). Every time, the first thing my wife does is cater to the kids (who get asked for sleepovers approximately 3 times a month). Kid-free time with me is the absolute last thing on her list when these types of things come up, and rarely does she process/prepare/request a rain check, unless there is something she wants. Case in point, shortly after writing my first post, she asked her father if he would come watch the kids for a couple of hours on Sunday, so that we could go see Sherlock Holmes (a film that has been on her desired list since she saw the first trailer). Of course, she asked her father for his presence before asking me if I wanted to go see it...
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby Seekryt » Fri Jan 01, 2010 9:15 pm

robin wrote:No need for kick in the gonads. Just call that prince of a fil and let him know everyone was caught off guard last week but you would LOVE to take him up on his offer this coming Friday night. Then inform your wife that grandpa will be arriving at x time on Friday and she needs to be dressed and ready for it.

Women and women with kids, usually have a mental list running,especially by the end of the week. I'm not surprised that being caught off guard like that she had the reaction she did. I live for date nights (which I usually have to plan) and I would have needed time to process. Give her a chance to mentally prepare.



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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby Leah » Fri Jan 01, 2010 9:30 pm

Druid wrote:Unfortunately, I was not in the room. I heard the conversation from another room and could not get to their part of the house before the decision was already made.


Okay, so has there been a follow up conversation since then? "Honey, would you please check with me before you make a family commitment? These decisions should be agreed upon between the two of us before we accept or decline an offer of free child care."

And what an awesome grandpa.
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby luvinher » Fri Jan 01, 2010 9:40 pm

I guess I don't get it. If the grandfather takes the kids on a sleepover, then you have the house to yourselves. And from what you say that is pretty regular happening to boot. So of course there can be TMB activties any where in the house.

Secondly, when do the kids leave 8pm 9pm? Still time to go out if you want.

Sorry I don't understand fully.
Last edited by luvinher on Sat Jan 02, 2010 6:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby robin » Fri Jan 01, 2010 10:55 pm

Druid wrote:I have to say that this is a pattern-thing with my wife, and with her father. He has made this offer fairly regularly (if we do not ask, he typically offers on the days when his wife doesn't come with him, about once every couple of months). Every time, the first thing my wife does is cater to the kids (who get asked for sleepovers approximately 3 times a month). Kid-free time with me is the absolute last thing on her list when these types of things come up, and rarely does she process/prepare/request a rain check, unless there is something she wants. Case in point, shortly after writing my first post, she asked her father if he would come watch the kids for a couple of hours on Sunday, so that we could go see Sherlock Holmes (a film that has been on her desired list since she saw the first trailer). Of course, she asked her father for his presence before asking me if I wanted to go see it...


Because she is a mother. She seems to have forgotten she was a wife before she was a mother. Getting her thought patterns to change won't be overnight, but I think right now your concerns aren't even on the radar. You've got to get your needs, wants and concerns on her radar before she can officially be refusing them. It seems like you are still in the land of "maybe some work on communication can alter the course" and you have one HECK of an asset with that father in law.

Go see Sherlock Holmes, hold her hand, nuzzle her neck, do some prep work in the dark. But also arrange a date night where she has a heads up.

If this doesn't work then it might be time for more drastic tactics like counseling. But it's worth a shot.
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby InGodsGrace » Sat Jan 02, 2010 3:48 am

luvinher wrote:I guess I don't get it. If the grandfathers takes the kids on a sleepover, then you have the house to yourselves. And from what you say that is pretty regular happening to boot. So of course there can be TMB activties any where in the house.

Secondly, when do the kids leave 8pm 9pm? Still time to go out if you want.

Sorry I don't understand fully.


I was thinking the same thing!
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby InGodsGrace » Sat Jan 02, 2010 3:50 am

Helene wrote:
luvinher wrote:I guess I don't get it. If the grandfathers takes the kids on a sleepover, then you have the house to yourselves. And from what you say that is pretty regular happening to boot. So of course there can be TMB activties any where in the house.

Secondly, when do the kids leave 8pm 9pm? Still time to go out if you want.

Sorry I don't understand fully.


He said 2 of the kids for a sleepover - so methinks there's more kids!


yeah I missed that on the first read. it did say 2 of the kids.
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby catwoman » Sat Jan 02, 2010 9:21 am

Sounds like a great grandpa. I was thinking that maybe his offers to date night sit would give grandpa a break from every weekend sleepover. I wouldn't want to use him up, maybe thinking of it that way will help dw look forward to a date instead of the family being seperated every weekend. Of course I always liked my kids around and just would not want them gone so often. ::praying you can work something out!
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Re: Ain't this a kick in the gonads...

Postby Gemma » Sat Jan 02, 2010 1:24 pm

robin wrote:No need for kick in the gonads. Just call that prince of a fil and let him know everyone was caught off guard last week but you would LOVE to take him up on his offer this coming Friday night. Then inform your wife that grandpa will be arriving at x time on Friday and she needs to be dressed and ready for it.


Yup, what she said. I mean, it's not like it was a decision etched in stone.
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