sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Aging brings changes - some good, some not so much.

Postby Job29Man » Mon Apr 13, 2009 6:42 am

50s here...

I find that at this age it no longer comes along without some minimal effort on my part. i.e. I can't abuse my body with junk food and minimal exercise and expect to be Tarzan in bed.

So a very, very conscious effort to stay trim, muscled, fit, sleep well, eat well, is critical. Having said that now, and having done all those things on a regular basis... my desire and abilities are sufficient so that I could easily push for twice a day (or more), but the realities of a busy large family and work keep the actual frequency down to about 5-6 times a week (so 3-5 days a week, depending on multiples).

It no longer just "happens" with the same frequency and intensity, you gotta "make it happen". :D
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Postby RandB » Mon Apr 13, 2009 7:20 am

63 & 62 here. Actually since we retired 2 years ago sex has been better and more frequent than since we were newlyweds. I've had a minor ED problem from time to time, but nothing a half-tab of Levitra won't cure.
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Postby restored heart » Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:43 am

I am 40, he is 49.
I need sex 2-3 times per week. He is happy with once a week.
I would say that between our dc activities (2 teens and an 8yr old) and dh work habits we might have sex 4 times per month. ::cb.
He knows I need more but it is not a priority for him. I find this difficult. He pours most of his energy into work, if he has any left over for intimacy that is a bonus for me.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby topview52 » Mon Sep 14, 2009 11:25 pm

We are in our 50's.

It is now about 50% of the time, sometimes a little more or a little less. It is better now than it was in our 40's, 30's and the few 20's years. We had kids early and worked hard. We are constantly active with the kids, working and minstering. So many things seemed to take away from out time together. But now in our 50's sex is a priority. We have a scheduled sex night once per week. We also use the other nights, :D. The kids are in college and the evening demads are not as great. There is not a baby or crying child down the hall. It is great to be 50 :wink:
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby manygoodyears » Tue Sep 15, 2009 4:12 pm

In our early 50s. My desire probably slowed down a bit after my 20s but not much. As I've gotten older my body takes more convincing sometimes.
Last edited by manygoodyears on Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby luvbunny » Fri Nov 27, 2009 5:24 am

Hi, both DH and I are in our early 50's... and now empty nesters... we dont ML more frequently, but we cetainly do it better...
Im happy with 3-4 times per week... not had any complaints from DH.....we are enjoying this time of our lives...

I do have some ongoing medical / chronic illness issues which make life interesting at times but we have worked our way around it.. in fact, our intimacy often helps me feel a bit better...
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby blushingwife » Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:33 am

SInce when 40's and 50's began being considered "senior" ? :shock:

My mom is 52. She said her life began at 40, so I was looking forward to that... If I am going to be called "Senior" in 8 years however, then I don't know anymore... :lol:
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby mom210 » Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:48 am

Well, dh is 50 and I am 48 and with our youngest dc being 5...we sure don't feel like seniors yet! :lol:
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby MayDayGirl » Fri Nov 27, 2009 1:47 pm

blushingwife wrote:SInce when 40's and 50's began being considered "senior" ? :shock:



THANK YOU! The OP must not realize that 40 is the new 20!

No diminishing desire here!
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby mamame » Fri Nov 27, 2009 5:30 pm

Not quite 40 yet - but I wouldn't go back to 20's sex for ANYTHING!
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby maxxim » Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:48 pm

maybe we need a new section... not newlyweds... or thirtysomethings... not seniors yet (Under 60)..... what could we call ourselves...???
"When all is said and done... more will be said than done....."
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby blushingwife » Sat Nov 28, 2009 1:39 am

Even though I am not going to be in that category for several years, I think it is a great idea!
From reading here, people in their 40's and 5O's do have different situations to address than us in our 20's and 30's and seniors: that period right before menopause being an example (called perimenopause?) and sexual changes for men after 40.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby MayDayGirl » Sat Nov 28, 2009 7:04 pm

maxxim wrote:maybe we need a new section... not newlyweds... or thirtysomethings... not seniors yet (Under 60)..... what could we call ourselves...???


I vote for 'Foxy 40's'
but that would date me.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby Mr. Rkt » Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:02 pm

I HATE that expression "40 is the new 30" or any variation of it. 40 is 40. 30 is 30. :) That's my curmudgeon moment for the day.

I vote for "Sex at Mid-Life." I think that comes as close as anything to describing it. It's the period after childbearing (for most) and before "senior," and during which most couples experience menopause.

BTW, as an early poster in this thread, I should probably update. We had MANY challenges to sex this year, all related to our ages. I turned 47 this year, DW turned 43. I experienced a terrible bout of prostatitis in May that lasted most of the summer, and there was no better explanation than that "it happens to guys in their 40's." I spent so much time on antibiotics that I developed opportunistic fungal infections and ended up with a kind of exzema on the glans. Things aren't the same, but I'm learning to live with it. My own drive dipped severely in September and October, but rebounded then. This seems to have been due to long distance training I was doing in my running.

DW is in her third year of perimenopause, and this one was the roughest. She lost nearly all natural lubrication, and reached a point where sex was nearly always painful to some degree, no matter what kind of artificial lubrication she uses. In addition to this, the hormonal interference played havoc with her drive, and her ability to O. Our frequency this year, while not as low as it was before our awakening, has been very, very low.

This has been hard on both of us, especially coming on the heels of a real awakening in our marriage, especially sexually. We're doing what we can to address what can be addressed medically, but we're trusting God and time to work out the rest. We're also trying to be available to take advantage of those times when "the stars align" (I'm not really superstitious, it's just an expression). We do still love each other very deeply and serve each other in every way we can, though the loss of intimate feeling from the loss of sex is palpable for both of us. We're both praying and trusting that there will be a renewed awakening on the other side of the changes we're experiencing in 2009. But we don't know when. Perimenopause can go on for eight years. We just have to keep renewing our commitments to each other, keep loving, and keep trusting God.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby MayDayGirl » Sun Nov 29, 2009 9:34 am

Mr. Rkt wrote:I HATE that expression "40 is the new 30" or any variation of it. 40 is 40. 30 is 30. :) That's my curmudgeon moment for the day.


Really? I find it to be a good description of how I feel about my 40's and how I view the majority of people I know in their 40's. We don't look, act, do or especially feel like our parents did in their 40's. We relate more to people in younger generations than to the older ones.

Personally, I feel better and have a generally more positive outlook on life than I did in my 20's. That's why 40 is the new 20 for me! 8)
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby Mr. Rkt » Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:07 am

Yes, really. I totally agree with you about how I look, act, feel, and even who our friends are. Having had children later in life, we're at a stage that is common for people 10-15 years younger than us -- and our friends are mostly in that age group.

What chafes me about it is that I hate generational identities in the first place. Honestly, I don't notice how old people are. My very best male friends in the world, the men I can talk to about anything, range in age from 30-65 right now. I'm 47. I never notice their ages unless it comes up for some reason.

I also don't believe that the experience of how one feels is any different in our time -- it's just that it's us experiencing it. While the body ages, people of all ages have always told me that they feel just like they did when they were young -- except for a few.

The expression also implies that there is something wrong with maturity, and golden about youth -- both myths that I reject.

It's a minor point, MDG. Just one of those things that peeves my linguistic sensibilities. :wave
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby rediron » Sun Nov 29, 2009 6:32 pm

Hi;
This is for 1956vintage. I'm a 1954 vintage, have diabetes and ED. I can sometimes get an erection, but many times am markedly soft. Here is some things that might help, just suggestions that I have found helpful in my own life. Don't give up sex. You don't make love to DH with just your ::xx , you make love to her with all of you. I have also found that bringing DW to orgasm before PIV sex helps her to be satisfied, no matter what follows, and have found that her being aroused before PIV intercourse helps (if you have been reading TMB, uh, duh, eh?).
We tend to use rear entry, or a modified missionary position, both with DW on the edge of the bed, and me standing (bed is higher than most, these positions may take some bed mods) and if I am not hard, we rub me in and around her opening and clitoris (sorry, tmi, but this ED thing can suck (not in the good way)) to enhance whatever erectness we have and to enter, we "stuff".
I have also found (reading and experimentation (all the DW's are built the same and very different at the same time - our creator is wonderful)) that there are parts of the clitoris that extend back, down and around the vaginal opening (see diagram (note, the source page for this diagram does show a picture of the external female genitals, but the diagram is just that (a diagram) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Clito ... led-en.svg)). These parts are behind the area of the labia majora and labia minor and behind the "inbetween" them. They are called the crus clitoris, and the bulbs of the vestibule. By experimentation (using fingers), it appears that gentle to medium pressure stimulation in this area, and just inside the vaginal opening (using side and back pressure) can cause these to fill with blood, or in some other way to become somewhat engorged. This makes things "tighter" and gives DW more stimulation with a less than fully erect ::xx . This, combined with stimulation of the labia and direct clitoral stimulation brings DW to O and prepares for what comes later. Sex can be as exciting with a "softie" as with a full erection, and DW has been known to have multiple Os from a less than fully hard ::xx. I would like to add that there are strong corrolation between the male and female genitalia with reference to "parts". Her clitoris is analagous to the penis, of course, but the flesh that makes up the labia is what in a male makes up the testicular sack. Like having your "balls" and sack manipulated gently / possibly more agressively than gentle? DW may like play with her labia. Try (gently, until you know her sensitivity) try pulling the labia minora, the way people do with beagle ears (sorry, could not think of a better description), alternate side to side, and change sides by massaging up, over and around and under the clitoral hood. As described before, the area of the labia majora may also be sensitive, and gently pulling both together with the inner labia can be very stimulating. Direct stimulation of the outer lips and the hollows of the thighs can be very pleasurable, as well as the area between the vaginal opening and the anus. Um, I know this has been very TMI, but it is what I have found out by not being willing to give up married sex in my mid fifties, as at least one member of the family in a previous generation (DW's side of the family). I hope this helps some, it has me. There are techniques here that are not restricted to use with ED, so if you find any of this interesting (all the rest of you), umm, get out (in) there and do your homework. Again, hope this was helpful and not too TMI.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby cram » Wed Dec 02, 2009 1:38 pm

Rediron,
Thank you. This is the philosophy that I appreciate that really enables one to know what they are doing when doing it. This was very educational, descriptive and very logical. A great road map. Thanks for taking out the time to explain. I also do not have normal erections due to prostate removal now for 34 months. So I can sure use what you played out for me here. The only erections come from injections which are very appreciated when they are generated. When you don't have it is when you appreciate it most of what you had that came without trying. Good luck to you and if you have more you want to share, let us know. Especially those of us who want to have sexual intimacy with a limp penis as we are just learning new ways.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby Paul B » Wed Dec 02, 2009 10:28 pm

As I approach 50 frequency has not changed, but the physical pressure is less than it once was. IOW, I can go 50% longer before it's a problem. Nice, actually.

I use to talk from time to time with a fellow who was 70. He and his wife had sex every other day for the most part - he could have done it daily, and would have if she were willing, but he was satisfied with every other day.

My theory, and it has played out so far for me, is that in a good marriage, as a man's physical desire decreases, his emotional and relational desire increases.

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby DPR » Thu Jan 28, 2010 11:18 pm

I'm 44 and DW is 40. Physically, everything is pretty much the same as it was in my 20s. Still get erections spontaneously. I feel like I could go a couple times a day, but I'd be happy with once every other day. Reality is we still come together about one to three times a month. DW is pretty good with once a month. She has lots of health issues that hinder her libido. We have different lifestyles and different diets. DS and I play lots of basketball, ride bike and lift weights, but based on conversations I had with a 69yo uncle who passed away in September, we may be genetically predisposed to healthy libidos. The real question is, do I have a healthy libido because I workout so much, or do I workout so much to manage my healthy libido?

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