My husband and I were married almost 2 months ago, and WOW, sex is GREAT!!! We're really enjoying this gift that God has given to us! I'm going to give you engaged couples some advice for the first night. I really hope you take advantage of it!
DH and I were both virgins when we were married. This advice mostly pertains to couples who are virgins, or if the bride is a virgin. Because her hymen has not been stretched, most likely, she will be very tight. This means that sex will be at least moderately painful. My hymen was so tight that using tampons caused me pain. DH and I had read a book called "Intended for Pleasure" by Ed Wheat (Highly recommended. Read seperately, but discuss important topics). It's a great book about God's design for sex in marriage. It gives a lot of great information for the clueless (like I was), and is written by a great Christian man. In this book, it explains ways the bride can stretch her hymen before the wedding night so there will be less pain. The book also explains how the husband can stretch her hymen on the wedding night so intercourse is less painful. DH asked me if I was uncomfortable stretching myself beforehand, and said he would be happy to help me that night.
On our wedding night, after we had spent time relaxing and enjoying eachother, he asked if he could try to stretch me out. To do this, you take a generous amount of artificial lubrication on one of his fingers, and he SLOWLY and GENTLY slides it in the bride's vagina. This is done at her pace. If one is able to go all the way to the base of the finger, he tries two fingers at once, and then three (put together in a wedge shape). If he is able to fit 3 fingers in to the base, that will be enough room for intercourse. GO SLOW! It will take about half an hour!! But intercourse is still to be done GENTLY and when the husband (or wife can do it) inserts himself, it is to be done SLOWLY and with a lot of artificial lubrication. Granted, some brides just ask that the husband shoves it in quickly to stretch her out, but this comes with quite a bit of pain. For me, it would have been nearly impossible. If the husband is gentle and considerate, it leaves a great first impression of his desire to care for her. If he just shoves himself into her, it shows selfishness and insensitivity.
For DH and I, we didn't even try to have real intercourse the first night. It was very painful for just one finger to go completely in. That night, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. You have the rest of your lives to do it! Men, take it slow and show her your love! You can give eachother hand jobs, or just enjoy sleeping in the same bed. It took DH and I four days to have real "intercourse." We enjoyed using our hands to give eachother pleasure until then, and when he was able to go inside me, it only caused slight discomfort for two days. After that, it has been VERY pleasurable for both of us. For some married couples who just shove it in the first night, the woman experiences discomfort for many weeks and doesn't enjoy it for months!
DH now goes crazy any time he hears of couples having intercourse the first night because the story always ends in the bride having a lot of pain. We both wish every newlywed would take it slow, enjoy eachother and be patient. It will come, and when it does, it's much more pleasurable for both of you!
Men, be gentle and caring. Especially the first night. You have the rest of your lives to enjoy God's gift!