His drive is low post-partum

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
pinklemonade
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His drive is low post-partum

Postby pinklemonade » Wed Apr 22, 2015 12:33 am

So my baby is now almost 11 weeks and my drive is climbing swiftly back to normal. We attempted sex for the first time at 6 weeks and were able to successfully have him finish around week 7. Since then we've had sex 3 more times and the last 2 have been pain free (I finished once). Anyways I am wanting sex way more often than he is....

Literally 9 times out of 10 when I ask him he has an excuse - he has gas, he's tired, he's watching the game, whatever. I honestly don't know if he's telling me the truth when he says nothing else is going on. To be honest I look and feel great - I am in the same if not better shape than I was before pregnancy. Before the baby was born we were having sex or at least giving him a HJ at least 3-4 times a week. Now it's 3 times in the last 4 weeks. He says he wants to have sex in the mornings but after I've been up with the baby in the night I am way too tired to get it on first thing in the morning. Plus, being soaked in milk and baby spit up doesn't exactly make one feel sexy...

I know that having a baby is hard but truthfully our baby is a dream - he's not fussy, he sleeps pretty good for a 2.5 month old, and is super content. DH doesn't wake up at all in the night so I don't get why he's suddenly so tired in the evenings.

Please help me know where to go from here! Maybe it's me just being hormonal but I feel really sad and rejected when he says no all the time which is worse than it was before because now I just don't know if it's because of the baby or what.


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txtwindad
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Re: His drive is low post-partum

Postby txtwindad » Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:04 am

I don't know if this is what's going on with your husband, but it happens often. It can be a real change of mindset for a guy after the baby. Where he saw you before as a sexual partner before. Now that is all mixed up with motherhood. Plus he may be feeling the crushing weight of responsibility of paying for everything. Have you talked to him about it?
 "Baby, Baby go and fetch some water,
Pour it on me so's I don't melt.
Can't you see you've got me burnin' hotter
Than a black vinyl car seat in ..." Two Tons of Steel

wifeacacia
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Re: His drive is low post-partum

Postby wifeacacia » Wed Apr 22, 2015 10:01 am

Fathers' T levels also drop after the birth of a baby. How long that lasts, idk, but that is one possibility.

pinklemonade
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Re: His drive is low post-partum

Postby pinklemonade » Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:11 pm

We have talked about it but it doesn't seem to resolve anything. I actually didn't know that about T levels!! That might explain a lot - it's definitely been different since the baby was born! Thank you for shedding some light!!


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Bear
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His drive is low post-partum

Postby Bear » Thu Apr 23, 2015 6:08 am

txtwindad wrote:Where he saw you before as a sexual partner before. Now that is all mixed up with motherhood.


Our kids are grown now, but I recall what a profound shift becoming a father was. Wonderful, confusing, joyous, terrifying. It was surreal strapping our first into the car seat in the hospital parking lot, the nurse just walked away...

Rightfully so, the new mom gets all the attention. It was amazing that dads may get an 'attaboy' but often not much other support.

Seeing DW giving birth was wondrous, majestical, and confounding. I was ready as a coach but unprepared to witness her strength, power, vulnerability, and weakness as she brought forth our child. So many mixed emotions tumbled around in me, many half recognized.

I realize I'm just kinda rambling with this post...sorry. :/

I pray you will find a way to gently press in with your DH and try to get under the surface with what he's experiencing. I suspect it's not about sex, not really...
The same women who are ready to defend their men through thick and thin are...lucid about...the thickness of his head.
Love is not blind; that is the last thing it is. Love is bound; and the more it is bound the less it is blind.
-GK Chesterton


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