The first six weeks...what can we do?

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
meglettx
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The first six weeks...what can we do?

Postby meglettx » Thu Feb 13, 2014 5:23 pm

So hi everybody. I just recently had a baby and had a second degree tear. I am just over two weeks postpartum now and I really miss sex with hubby. I'm also a little bummed this is our first married valentines day and PIV is off the table. Let me see if I can explain how I feel...I had great swings during pregnancy (as I hear is normal) from sex is super enjoyable to I just want to cry because there is NO SPARK. Now since baby's been born I noticed at first the switch was definitely off physically but two weeks later (the longest I've been without sex since we've been married, don't laugh we are newlyweds k? ;P) I'm emotionally missing the intimacy like crazy. I know I'm not ready for PIV but I wonder if MS is okay? I don't guess I know quite the full extent of how the body is affected by pushing a human out. :) I have given hubby some MS a couple times and in his attentions to me I could tell I was excited but it wasn't all pleasant sensations. Is anything negatively affected in the healing process by being aroused? I'm okay with it feeling different for now as long as I'm not delaying something from healing properly. Could hubby help me climax with MS without hurting anything? I think we would both enjoy the closeness until I am back to being able to fully participate.

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seeking perspective
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Re: The first six weeks...what can we do?

Postby seeking perspective » Thu Feb 13, 2014 5:59 pm

I was one week post-partum for our first wedding anniversary, and I remember that bummed feeling about not being able to celebrate as we wanted to.

You need to ask your doctor about what's best for you, since s/he is the one who knows what healing needs to take place. If you do experience arousal and/orgasm, you are likely to feel a little achy afterwards--and you will be very glad at that point if you know the doctor has said it's okay. You don't want to spend the whole weekend wondering if you've messed anything up.

The doctor has heard this question before, so call first thing tomorrow morning and ask. If you are told orgasm is off the table, ask if arousal would be okay so you can do something for your husband. It is so wonderful that you want to be able to celebrate your love with him.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
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meglettx
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Re: The first six weeks...what can we do?

Postby meglettx » Thu Feb 13, 2014 8:10 pm

Thanks...I was anxiously calculating and our wedding anniversary is exactly 6 weeks from the day he was born, so I am hopeful we will be able to at least enjoy a celebration that night for more than one thing. My mom said if she and my dad managed to make it 6 weeks it was a miracle but I don't know that she remembers details enough. I wouldn't be as concerned if it was just about recovering from pushing a baby out but the tear is what I want to be careful about. Since it was a second degree I think that means muscles were torn and I know that will take longer than just skin to heal up. I don't want to make this take LONGER because I got antsy too early. :P I do miss it a lot, I was telling him the other day I spent a very short amount of time since we've been married NOT pregnant and am anxious to have the opportunity to learn more about our selves sans the baby belly and maybe the hormones although I hear breast feeding can be it's own set of issues.

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Re: The first six weeks...what can we do?

Postby happilymarriedkate » Sun Feb 16, 2014 12:22 pm

I had c-sections, so I cannot speak to a 2nd degree tear. Although, I did have a horizontal/bikini incision. Of course I acknowledge that neither did I have a child who traveled down my birth canal either...so I am sure that makes a difference. DH and I have 3 children and we never made it to 6 weeks. By week 4 we were climbing the walls. I did have orgasms through MS by DH by week 2-3. Of course, asking your Dr will alleviate any concerns. Regarding breast feeding and sex...we found it to be WONDERFUL! DH still comments on how he wishes I was lactating and I weaned our last child ten years ago! Enjoy this time of your changing body in your marriage bed!
~HM Kate

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Re: The first six weeks...what can we do?

Postby poetess » Sun Feb 16, 2014 12:57 pm

First, congratulations on a new baby! I've never given birth, so I really can't answer that question (though I have heard that natural tears usually heal faster than episiotomies, even if the tear is a bigger one, from people who have had both kinds). But I did want to say it isn't silly that two weeks is a long time, nor is it just because you're newlyweds. My husband and I have never gone that long (I'm past childbearing years) and I hope we never do. Obviously it's necessary sometimes for medical reasons, but even long-married couples should look forward to coming together physically, and it's not at all silly that you long to do so.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

meglettx
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Re: The first six weeks...what can we do?

Postby meglettx » Tue Feb 18, 2014 5:08 pm

You guys are very kind haha. I should know that in this particular forum I'm more likely to encounter similarly minded people but out in the world I know people look at you crossways, especially a lot of women seem to be of the mind that the last thing they wanted postpartum was to participate in the activity that got them there to begin with! :D

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Re: The first six weeks...what can we do?

Postby Thepinkveggie » Fri Feb 21, 2014 1:12 am

Ugh. Been there, done that. My son was born a week before my first married birthday. No birthday sex for me! I was very bummed. And two weeks out I was climbing the walls for sex. I'm a definitely the higher drive spouse. We did oral for him and I held out for 5 miserable weeks. I had a 1st degree tear or it would have been sooner. Sometimes he would cuddle with me or give me a back rub but in all honesty, sometimes his touch made it worse and I had to gently say stop. I was that horny. Yes. If you feel up to ms, go for it. I'd probably avoid oral while your stitches are healing but if they are healed, do what you feel like!


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