Change in desire, generally down

Low or no sex drive?
MisterV
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Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2017 7:41 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 24th, 2008
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Change in desire, generally down

Postby MisterV » Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:37 am

I've been noticing something odd over the past couple of months as my desire has changed. It's not absolutely gone, but it has changed. I used to be I guess what you'd call fairly high drive, I'd devote a lot of thinking to sex if we weren't ML about every other day. Like trying to make a fire with nice dry wood, and some gasoline thrown on if it had been 3 days or more.

Now it's like trying to make a fire with wet branches. Sometimes during the day the urge will pop up (not nearly as often as before), but the flames die out fast unless I consciously "tend the fire" with thoughts. I can respond when my wife initiates, and impotence doesn't seem to be an issue, so I don't know if it really counts as lack of desire.

We do have two DDs, 2.5 yrs and 8 months, so this may be a "gift from God" so I can comfortably not bug my wife, but I was definitely more interested in ML back in the fall when they were both much more work for us.

I had a problem with depression back in college, but don't see any signs of that beyond reduced interest in sex. I am on Flomax for early BPH, but I was on that in the fall as well. There's a little bit of pain from chronic things, but not nearly as much as I used to have.

I'm late '30s, and before I had always sworn that I would enjoy ML as long as God made it possible, and then gracefully bow out - but now I'm not so sure how much "grace" I would have. I'm thinking (and hoping) it's something psychological, because generally nothing bad happens to me physically beyond minor irritants and I really don't want to start on anything hormone because it seems like that would speed up the BPH, and there are enough men in the family who have talked about having prostates out to where I'm not eager to go there.

I guess (after all that) the question is what mental tricks to men here use to up their interest? Should I try scheduling things with my wife so I know what days I need to work on "tending the fire" (though there I don't know when she'll be more tired after a long day, and I can't stand the thought of pressuring her because I know she probably will go a bit beyond what she really wants if I ask to ML. And last, but perhaps most pressing on my mind - how do I know if this is permanent? Is it just a "season" and things will pop back to normal? Will not having sex encourage a return of the prostatitis I've been fighting with?

MisterV
Twin size
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2017 7:41 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 24th, 2008
Gender: Male

Re: Change in desire, generally down

Postby MisterV » Sat Apr 22, 2017 1:53 pm

I've been thinking about it some and I'm not too worried anymore. I still wake up with erections some days, and if DW initiates there's no problem. I'll file this in the "gift from God" category because it does make things easier than they were a few months ago when DW was tired and happy with once a week but it was a struggle for me because I was still interested in ML about every other day.

sunny-dee
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Date of your marriage (past or future): September 21st, 2013
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Re: Change in desire, generally down

Postby sunny-dee » Mon Apr 24, 2017 9:12 am

One thing my mom told me from her nutrition classes (30+ years ago, so grain of salt) is that there can be a delay of several months before signs of strain or changes show up. Like, if you go through a period of high stress, you'll be vitamin B deficient -- but that deficiency may not show up for 2-3 months, possibly well after that period of stress ends.

It could be that you're essentially on the crashing tail of an adrenaline rush -- y'all had to push hard through the newborn phase, and now that you *can* relax and mellow out, you are.


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