Job29Man wrote:I'm guessing he TOTALLY doesn't comprehend that you are just going through the motions.
I've mentioned it, and he definitely knows. One of the things I mentioned is that I can't trust him, and he has said that I should give him chances to trust him. He doesn't understand that just because he does good things and makes good choices sometimes, those things don't override the things he is doing that make me unable to trust him.
One example is that I have wanted to cut off his abusive step-dad (and enabling MIL) and not let them around our daughter. (There were many details about that situation in past threads of mine.) Although he doesn't see them or talk to them that often, my husband doesn't think it's right to cut them off completely right now despite the things that have gone on for years with them. He believes it's unforgiving, but it's not a matter of forgiveness; they can be forgiven, but if they are unhealthy people for our daughter to be around, it's our job to protect her from them. He claims that if that's the case, by my logic she shouldn't be around my parents since they've been divorced for years because would be a bad example. It's not a matter of my SFIL and MIL being bad examples, but him being abusive and her enabling that behavior.
Hiswifeagain wrote:LS, perhaps a more lengthy separation until he agrees to counseling would carry more impact.
I realize that's what I should have done before, but since I didn't, I lost that chance.