Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

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2pack
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Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby 2pack » Thu Dec 22, 2016 6:02 am

I'm a moth flyin' into the light of it's doom - You wrap me up in your love cocoon...

doug-h
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Re: Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby doug-h » Thu Dec 22, 2016 7:28 am

I thought it was a good article, and for the most part, based on my limited understanding, right on the money.

Looking forward to hearing some of the ladies comments, since, while the article was largely written towards men, it was essentially based on women's thought processes.

On the whole, from conversations I have had, most of it seems to be pretty solid.

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Re: Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby poetess » Thu Dec 22, 2016 7:45 am

It rang pretty true for me EXCEPT that I don't think my husband and I would be all that different in expressing how we have a good marriage.

Oh, also he seemed to think that saying "I know he loves me because he does all these things for me" was a selfish approach, whether said of one's husband or or Jesus. And yet biblically "we love Him because He first loved us." I know my husband loves me for a whole multitude of reasons, fundamentally because of all the women he could have chosen, he chose me and he committed to me and he reminds me of his commitment to me. But the loving little "extras" he does for me are a big sign of his love for me, too. (Like when we go shopping together, and we get to the checkout and I see my favorite chocolate in the cart, or something else he knows I like that he somehow slipped in there.) And it definitely feels like love when he does big things like taking me along on a business trip and making sure some vacation days are included because he wants to spend time with me.

It is legitimate to know someone loves you because they act on that love. And my husband likewise feels love when I act on love, though other things are signs of love, too.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby SeekingChange » Thu Dec 22, 2016 8:28 am

It really resonated with me, some more than others, but I found them all to be true. It was nice to read words that have matched some feelings I have had, but can't explain well. I am going to send the link to my husband.

eta:
At some point, a little danger has to be involved with your loving leadership or you simply have what I would term demasculinized leadership.

I say this because there are times when I feel led by the Lord yet my family is not all on board at the onset. If I simply lead by consensus, then I am not leading at all, I am just a figure-head or a puppet.

This seems to be an ongoing issue in our marriage. It seems my husband will default to asking me what I want, or what we should do, and I have shared how that puts me in the leading role, and we all see it (my kids & I) but he doesn't, he only sees it as caring about my opinion and wanting to please me.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

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Re: Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby MayDayGirl » Thu Dec 22, 2016 8:36 am

I'm with Poetess on #1 in that I wouldn't respond on the strength of my marriage based on how he treats me alone. I can't even think of friends who wouldn't start with the answer of, "We . . ."

I think the reason #2 (weaker vessel) rubs women the wrong way is because we are the ones carrying a baby for 9 months and giving birth (often without painkillers). And like many wives, I'm married to someone who lays on the couch and acts as if he's dying, when he merely has a cold. So yeah, that weaker vessel thing is annoying! :roll:

I will add that I gained a lot of respect from DH that first time I gave birth. He was both amazed and shocked by my strength.

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Re: Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby doug-h » Thu Dec 22, 2016 8:56 am

MDG,

I don't think the "weaker vessel" so much refers to the ability to endure pain. I have found that we all have differing pain thresholds that are very much based on individual physical differences. I can tolerate pretty extreme muscular or orthopedic pain, that would debilitate my wife, but a headache can have me near tears.

On the whole, I think men are more capable of "turning off" emotional pain, but even that is not universal.

From a pure physical ability perspective, men generally have greater strength and endurrance. It isn't about being chauvinistic, it is just a fact of life. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Carrying a baby is a wondrous thing, as is giving birth, and It shows a strength all its own, but at the same time, it leaves a woman even more vulnerable than she would be otherwise.

That last bit of truth may be less true in a modern industrial society,(altho I hold that it is still quite true at face value), it would have been true in the extreme in ancient times.

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Re: Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby MayDayGirl » Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:44 am

Hi Doug!

I was just trying to explain why females don't like being referred to as 'the weaker sex,' to further what the article was saying. There are other examples of how females differ from males throughout life, such as female infants having a better survival rate as well as females living longer. We do have our strengths, they are just different than what most people think of as 'strong.'

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Re: Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby poetess » Thu Dec 22, 2016 11:43 am

I think the "weaker vessel" thing is more akin to needing gentle handling. When you move from one house to another, the cutlery may just get thrown into a box, but the dishes (esp. if they are crystal or fine china) get packed carefully. Likewise, many a man grew up with brothers with whom he can wrestle, and he insults them as a sign of his love for them. A woman needs a more nurturing touch--she isn't one of the guys. And her hormones may take her into emotional spots out of her depth. It's definitely true in lovemaking, for many of us--grab his penis with as firm a touch as you can give it, but touch her sexual parts with a more tender touch unless and until she says otherwise.

I don't think the concept is problematic at all--just the interpretation.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Article: The 6 Paradoxes of Marriage for Men

Postby Hoosier52 » Thu Dec 22, 2016 1:52 pm

1 Peter 3:7  "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."

I see no dishonor is the term. It's a term God chose to use to remind men to be gentle with their wives. It doesn't mean that they are less valuable or important, but they are different (thank the Lord!) and should be treated as such. I liken it to handling a valuable vase. You are very careful with it because of it's of great value and because it can be easily broken.

I see it as God's way of teaching a man to protect his wife and to lead her in a loving and gentle way.


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