She Comes First

What marriage resources have been helpful or encouraging to you?
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OldBear
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Re: She comes first...

Postby OldBear » Fri May 29, 2015 5:26 pm

Leah wrote:Ask your wife. She's the one who knows if she wants to go faster or slower.


Great advice.

'She comes first' has been our marriage bed practice for years. The build up for Mrs. Oldbear varies to some degree depending on our desire to be leisure about LMing (we will cuddle, relax in each others arms, etc.) or get right to it. Regardless of the time and acceleration to ramp up, Mrs. Oldbear takes over every time at the point when she wants to climax and she will ask me (plead with me) to take her over the top. The timing for her is essential and my technique, as guided by her over the years, tunes into her final ramp up. One thing that I never do is to try to prolong her ramp up or control it. It's all about her at that point. In doing so, she reaches optimal satisfaction 95% of the time. As Leah, points out, it's essential to be tuned into your DW, and how that happens is unique to each couple in terms of verbal communiction both in and out of the marriage bed and non-verbal communication and guidance in the marriage bed.

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Kilarin
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Re: She comes first...

Postby Kilarin » Fri May 29, 2015 7:47 pm

Women are like snowflakes, no two are alike. Every woman's vulva are unique and completely individual. Breast come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes. Some women can orgasm from penis in vagina intercourse alone, others cant. Some women are multi-orgasmic, others aren't. Some women like direct stimulation of the clitoris, others prefer indirect. Some women love to have their nipples stimulated, others could care less.

There is no NORMAL, there is just your wife, a special, unique snowflake. You don't need to become an expert at making love to "women", but to one woman. Don't waste time comparing her to others, because there IS no comparison. Just continue to please HER in the way SHE prefers best!

dc9
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She comes first...

Postby dc9 » Fri May 29, 2015 10:16 pm

Thanks for the advice! I will talk to her!
I thought we maybe missed something important because we went too fast.
It seems DW just want to orgasm as she reaches a certain level of arousal and then I just do what I can to bring her there. If I try to draw out the process or take a pause at that point to delay her orgasm, she is likely to lose it completely, so I don't do that any more.
Her pleasure is more important than the clock, no matter of it's quick or slow!
Thank you!


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txtwindad
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Re: She comes first...

Postby txtwindad » Sat May 30, 2015 6:23 am

Sexual response is largely learned behavior. We tend to fall into comfortable response patterns and get stuck there. I would say, yes, she is likely missing something because you are going too fast. But you need to talk about it. Tell her you would like to try things a bit differently sometimes if she is OK with it. Plan a session where you slow down your approach and have her stop you before she reaches her O. You might plan to bring her to the edge 3-4 times before letting her fall over that edge into orgasm. Perhaps separate these attempts with PIV. As a general rule the more anticipation and build up the better the O. Everyone is different and YMMV, but it is well worth trying.
 "Baby, Baby go and fetch some water,
Pour it on me so's I don't melt.
Can't you see you've got me burnin' hotter
Than a black vinyl car seat in ..." Two Tons of Steel

Deelmo
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Re: She comes first...

Postby Deelmo » Sat May 30, 2015 10:07 am

I learned so much from that book. I always thought the '15-30 minutes or more' included foreplay, not just OS.

Like others, each woman is different. Just like men, each is different.

It sounds to me like you and your DW are on the right track.
On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the least, 10 being the greatest) are you normal? I am a 1. And who's scale am I using? My wife's, of course!

natedg200202
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Re: She comes first...

Postby natedg200202 » Wed Oct 07, 2015 9:51 am

Does this book (and author) align with the bible? Sounds interesting but I don't want to bother if it has undertones that don't match with my core beliefs.

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OldMarriedLady
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Re: She comes first...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:07 am

No, the author is not a Christian.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)

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txtwindad
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Re: She comes first...

Postby txtwindad » Wed Oct 07, 2015 11:39 am

The author is not a Christian, but it doesn't really matter. It is a how to book. If you buy a book on replacing the tile in your bathroom, do you care if the author is Christian? There are two parts to the book as I remember. The how to section that is excellent and then a section where he gets into some philosophical issues. Just skip that mess and stick with the how to section.
 "Baby, Baby go and fetch some water,
Pour it on me so's I don't melt.
Can't you see you've got me burnin' hotter
Than a black vinyl car seat in ..." Two Tons of Steel

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bigloop
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Re: She comes first...

Postby bigloop » Mon Oct 12, 2015 7:31 pm

I read it. I was not bothered by any philosophical issue one way or another. Like tex said, "turn screw A, tighten nut B..." kinda stuff.

I too have used some of the techniques to varying degrees of success. My wife is different to say the least. There are times when she really gets into OS and other times when she won't let me near it. THAT I will never understand..... :roll:

Public
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Re: She comes first...

Postby Public » Sat Apr 09, 2016 3:08 am

dc9 wrote:
If DW is "amply aroused" before I start OS on her, she usually orgasms in 1-3 minutes, and if she's just a little aroused it often takes less than 10 minutes.
Am I "forcing" her to orgasm too soon?
Is it bad if she orgasms in a matter of minutes instead of "a long time"?
Should I change what I am doing to make her last longer?
Any ideas on how long time it "should" take to bring her to orgasm?


IMO, a climax represents an ending, unless she has several in rapid succession. Loving a woman this way is an art form, involving teasing, pleasing, and denying, to make the experience as long and as pleasurable as possible for both parties. The quick orgasm has been referred to as a "crotch sneeze," and is a step in the learning process. Teasing, while bringing her up slowly, increases the amount of sexual tension and desire, gives her a lot more time to enjoy this level of intimacy, and results in more powerful releases. After years of learning her body language, my wife enjoys me building her slowly over the course of an hour or more, and at the end, she is often able to have several climaxes, one after another. It's all about sensing her level of arousal and responding appropriately.

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George B.
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Re: She comes first...

Postby George B. » Sat Apr 09, 2016 5:14 am

I think asking her is a great idea.

My DW can also orgasm very quickly. In fact, we rarely do oral on her because she orgasms so fast. However, a fast orgasm for her is simply not as satisfying as one that's more drawn out.

So, in our communication, we've determined that the oral techniques in She Comes First are not for us, simply because they would actually decrease her enjoyment. She doesn't even want to come first, preferring to generally have her major orgasm (she does experience small ones sometimes previous to the Big One) after mine or simultaneously.

Every woman is different and you have to talk with your wife to figure out what best meets her needs.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

His son and daughter
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Re: She Comes First

Postby His son and daughter » Sun Mar 05, 2017 6:36 pm

Been 7 years since this was first posted. Any more reviews?

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wyseguy
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Re: She Comes First

Postby wyseguy » Mon Mar 06, 2017 12:29 pm

I had this book in dead tree version and it got misplaced (probably during a move) so I bought a version to read on my tablet. I have read the book through several times. I highly recommend this book to any man looking to better pleasure his wife and to any woman looking to understand her own anatomy better.

No, the author isn't a Christian. However, other than stressing the importance of a woman having an orgasm, I didn't read a lot of philosophy into the book. Yes, the book does tend to use more generic language about who the woman is as opposed to using language like "your wife", but even if that sort of thing bugs you, I recommend powering through it due to how valuable the more scientific aspects of the book's content actually is.

One of the best things about this book is the extended anatomy lesson. Most of us have seen the medical diagrams of a woman's external genitals. Most of us have even seen the medical diagrams of what is down there internally as well. What few of us have been exposed to is the complex network of nerves and how they are structured in that region. A woman's intimate area is a web of nerves and muscles all of which can be leveraged to bring her pleasure. As was said previously, every woman is unique and so there is a required communication element, but once you start to understand the interplay between a woman's vagina, labia, and clitoris, you can gain a whole new appreciation for how complex her physical sexual response can be. I'm pretty enamored with that part of my bride's body, but after reading this book I have a whole new appreciation and fascination with her down there.

Another very valuable aspect of this book is the detailed description of a woman's arousal from initial "yes, let's have sex" all the way through "*pant* *pant* oh wow that was amazing". This description is fairly limited to the biological response, but does talk about what is going on at each phase so you can discern for yourself if your wife needs to linger at various stages and why you might consider helping her linger before you arouse her further. This is especially important if OS is going to be used as a "warm up" for PIV.

Another big value for men in this book is that it strives to free husbands of the illusion set by the porn industry that if you can't make your wife orgasm through penetration, you're no good as a lover. Again, communication is key but for those with a hair trigger, this is an immeasurably freeing realization. Sure, giving her a PIV orgasm gives you a very nice confidence boost, but many women here will confirm that PIV orgasms are extremely elusive if not outright impossible. This book details why for some women their anatomy just isn't configured for PIV orgasms which further makes the case for OS and MS as a way to bring her to climax.

If cunnilingus is part of your sexual repertoire, this book will probably make you better at it. Before reading it, my bride enjoyed me giving her OS, but didn't seem to want it very often. After reading this book, her reactions are much more intense and her orgasms much stronger and she will regularly request it.

I strongly recommend this book to men and women. Reading it on your own can provide some interesting insights. Reading it together can start some very productive conversations. Multiple readings provide a good refresher for the more technical information.

workerbee
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Re: She Comes First

Postby workerbee » Thu Mar 09, 2017 4:27 pm

I bought this book for DH with the stipulation it was for him to read, not me but only after we read Passionate Marriage.

I'm looking forward to being surprised! :D


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