Hesitations about FAM (Natural BC Method)

[magnolia_lovers]

Still newbies here... My fiancée and I are scheduled to get married in exactly 200 days! We are VERY VERY excited! Since we are newbies to marriage (i.e. not married yet) you better believe that we are completely new to the FAM. If you are a believer, please feel free to bombard us with all of the information that you have as we are trying to make an informed decision on Birth Control.

My fiancée and I have built our relationship almost entirely from a long-distance. This has allowed us to take note of something very interesting. We noticed that her menstrual cycle lengthens on the months that we do see each other, even if only for a short time. (Does/did anyone else experience this?) The change is usually only a few days, but on one occasion she was about 10 days late! We REALLY want to avoid hormonal BC methods, but we also REALLY want to avoid pregnancy at this time (even more). The problem is that this cycle shifting has gotten us worried about using the available natural methods. Will they remain reliable even with the inconsistency of her cycle? Especially when I seem to be the one "causing" this inconsistency? Any hints or tips that you can offer?

[gherkin]

The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility will teach your fiancee all she needs to know about how to adjust for these variations in cycle length. Actually, FAM gives you much more control and understanding of irregular cycles than any other method can. The rhythm method is different, since it's just based on averaging cycle lengths and guessing ovulation based on that, but FAM actually tracks the changes in a woman's body that indicate her hormone levels at any given point (i.e. her temperature and her fluids) so it is as reliable for ANYONE as you're going to get, besides sterilization. It's very cool. You can actually tell if your period is going to be late, a full two weeks before it will come! Also, if you have been charting for a while, you learn so much about your body that if you decide to try for a baby and you're having trouble, you can even narrow down what phase of the cycle is causing the problems just by looking at the charts, and take that info to the doctor! The science is very clear on this one-- FAM works for almost any kind of cycle (except it might not be reliable right when a woman is coming off hormonal birth control, but that's just because the pills are confusing all the signals).

[Luvbird]

Hey, I'm excited for you! Marriage in 200 days, eh? My husband and I also had a long-distance relationship (they're torture, aren't they!?) and then counted down from 216 days till we got married.

FAM was the method of birth control we chose and I would HIGHLY recommend it! I'm on my 6th cycle since getting married (I charted 4 ahead of time) and it is working well. All those people who threatened I'd have a baby immediately after marriage because we are using a natural method were definitely wrong!

No, your fiancee's variation in her menstrual cycle will not mess up using FAM as birth control at all. The way FAM works, she will know where she is in her cycle, be able to accurately predict when her period will come, be able to avoid pregnancy, AND learn tons about her body. Go for it!

[heartofsong]

I use FAM as well... have been for over 2 years now (although we've only been married for a year and a half, I started tracking early). It's working GREAT for us! We've now switched from "trying not to conceive" to "trying to conceive," so we'll see how that goes. But I really really recommend it!! I'm SO glad we went with a natural method vs birth control!!!

[George B.]

Welcome to the boards, magnolia_lovers!

We've used FAM for many years now, and have found the software at tcoyf.com most helpful for consistently charting her cycles and being able to know with confidence when she's fertile and when she's not. During the times she's fertile, or we're not sure, we've used condoms, though to be honest, we had our only surprise pregnancy as the result of a condom that didn't fit right--make sure you buy the right size!

I do have a question for you--you said in your post that you're believers. However, you also said this:

We REALLY want to avoid hormonal BC methods, but we also REALLY want to avoid pregnancy at this time (even more). The problem is that this cycle shifting has gotten us worried about using the available natural methods.

The working assumption on these boards is that if you're engaged to be married and participating in discussions, you're also abstaining from sex until your wedding day (see rule 5 here). From some of your words in your post, it sounds as if you guys are currently having sex, since there shouldn't be any worries on your part about getting pregnant during your engagement if you're abstaining.

Is this the case, or am I just misunderstanding something you wrote?

[magnolia_lovers]

Hi Everyone!

Thank you for all of your responses. My fiance and I were very interested in all of this, and wanted to find out more. He has actually done more research than I have on this surprisingly, so I am still not quite sure how all of this work. Your responses have all helped out a little.

Sorry for the late response. The last thing on my mind these days was this topic. He (my fiance) is living in Haiti and I am sure as you all are aware, there is severe turmoil in the country, specifically the capital city where he is living right now. I spoke to him immediately after the quake on Tuesday where he told me that he was ok. But I have not heard from him in two days. I have no idea what is going on. Please keep us in your prayers.

I live in Miami, so we have been doing our relationship from a distance. As my fiance described, on instances when we have gotten to see one another, my cycle does seem to lengthen. We were unsure how this might affect our use of FAM.

I did want to clarify this for you though George:

"We REALLY want to avoid hormonal BC methods, but we also REALLY want to avoid pregnancy at this time (even more). The problem is that this cycle shifting has gotten us worried about using the available natural methods."

We are believers. We are both virgins. We are abstaining from sex and even kissing until we are married. I think what my fiance meant to say was that we really want to avoid pregancy in the early years (time) of our marriage even more than anything. We both have schooling, and do not want to have children right when we get married, though we both absolutely love children. We do thank you for your concern. I apologize for the miscommunication.

[Titanium]

I just want to add a note of caution, as someone who did try and use TCOYF/FAM to try and fall pregnant - and found it seriously lacking.

I have PCOS. Which means my body can ALMOST ovulate quite a number of times during my cycle. This drove all those charts batty - and me too.

I did the temperatures, the mucous, the cervical position, all of it to try and gauge my most fertile time. The problem was, my body would ALMOST ovulate 3-4 times on average during my cycle; which meant I would get some of those 'fertile' signs and the charts would say 'you've ovulated'; only to have me do it all again in 5 or 6 days - and the stages of my cycle change all over again.

So, would I trust it? Heck no. This especially got proven when I started having regular CD21 blood tests, and it would come back conclusively that I hadn't ovulated (which I knew), but the charts would be more than determined to say I had. And then change their minds again and again and again for the rest of my cycles (my cycles were often 100+ days).

It's just a note of caution. Nearly everyone I know who uses FAM and the various programs out there (TCOYF/Fertility Friend/etc) say that it accounts for irregular cycles - but I can say that it certainly didn't work for mine; and was highly inaccurate 9 times out of 10.

[IdahoCanyonMan]

It didn't work with us. We got pregnant in about 5 months. Later pregnancies showed that we are apparently very fertile. We joked that all we had to do is think about it. All that to say, FAM might be a bigger risk for some people than others and you can't really know whether it will work for you until you try it.

My wife's cycle varies seasonally, seemingly with the length of the days.

[nursetobe07]

Magnolia ,

While I cannot offer advice re: FAM, I can say that I am praying for you and your fiance. The situation in Haiti continues to unfold, and I have been praying for the situation since it first occurred. Have you talked to your fiance yet since your last post?

[magnolia_lovers]

Nursetobe07,

Thank you so much for your concerns and prayers. You are right, the situation in Haiti does continue to unfold, but we are believing that God will turn the nation around for His glory. I have spoken to my fiance since I last posted. He is safe. He remains in the capital of Port-au-Prince, assisting with much of the relief efforts as well as plans for rebuilding the nation. Continue to keep him and Haiti in your prayers. We know that God is faithful.

[heartofsong]

Glad to hear that your fiance is safe. Praise GOD! I'm praying hard for Haiti!

[JohnnyChristlike]

DW and I are using the unofficial FAM method which means whe're somewhat tracking her cycle (marked on the calendar) and I'm pulling out every time just to be safe. I'm hoping that when she starts her next cycle (about two weeks out) we'll start charting and temping. She's a big fan of the TCOYF method, and is active on their message board (I use the term "active" loosely. She's on the boards daily, but she's more of a lurker than a poster.)

[heartofsong]

The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility will teach your fiancee all she needs to know about how to adjust for these variations in cycle length.

I bought this book this weekend. It's GOOD!!!! It will tell you everything you need to know about your fertility! Aweeeeeeeeesome!!!!!