Frustrated

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
ledgemoor
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Re: Ready to give up

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Oct 23, 2016 1:31 pm

You can tell from the numbers whether it is total or free. I have never seen a lab report that doesn't state what it is. Usually people are going from memory and just remember "testosterone". Both are important, but total is easiest to measure and is a good starting point. If that is low, free will be low too. Also there is different units of measurement for US and Europe.

Here is a example of a typical normal testosterone chart:
http://www.healthline.com/health/low-te ... olescence3
Note that 270 is listed as normal for a 30-yo man. NO WAY! He should be AT LEAST 800. For a 60-yo, the chart says -1% per year. So 270-30% = 200. I have no idea how they come up with these numbers. Using the penis-hasn't-fallen-off test probably.

Also, you will still find articles saying that low testosterone has not been proven to cause ED or lack of desire. This is pretty much the state of things for typical urologists, endocrinologists, and GPs.

However, bHRT, life extension, and doctors specializing in male hormone issues are getting to be more common. The desired level needs to be determined experimentally per individual -- there is a real danger of getting too much. There would be disagreement among us here on TMB on where it should typically be. My doctor is conservative and wants me at 750. A lot of guys are at 1000 with no ill effects.
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Job29Man
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Re: Ready to give up

Postby Job29Man » Sun Oct 23, 2016 4:24 pm

It sounds like the Cholesterol level game only the opposite. They keep lowering the level of cholesterol needed to trigger a "you need our maintenance drug" reaction. But for some reason with testosterone it doesn't seem so.
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

ledgemoor
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Re: Ready to give up

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Oct 23, 2016 4:40 pm

Exactly. Cholesterol drugs are patentable. Testosterone is a naturally-occurring substance, cannot be patented, and therefore is relatively cheap and less profitable.

In the woman's hormone arena it is even worse. They still push Premarin on women. Natural estrogen? Oh no, can't do that, it hasn't been sufficiently studied.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Ready to give up

Postby Brianna » Sun Oct 23, 2016 7:47 pm

@jobman-Your sarcasm and hostility is not welcomed. Please refrain from further comment.

@everyone else-please understand that I am not the person who has endured multiple doctors visits, blood draws, 4 rounds of HRT, it is my DH. He is tired of trial and error and so am I. It's nice to hear opinions, that's why I came here. But at the end of the day my husband and I have to decide what's best for us given all of the information. Thanks

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Re: Ready to give up

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Oct 23, 2016 8:35 pm

You're most welcome.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Ready to give up

Postby SquarePants » Sun Oct 23, 2016 9:32 pm

Brianna, I'm very sorry for what you are both going through. There are many of us here with experience with testosterone therapy. Sadly, I seems that there are many doctors who are not very knowledgeable I the field, but are nevertheless giving out I'll-Informed advice about the subject. You will find some people here who have treated by some of these doctors, and have gotten very ineffective treatment protocols. However, a little bit of research on your own can make a huge difference. There are stories here where determined wives pushed through and got their reluctant husbands some treatment, and the husbands were very grateful afterwards.

Please try to look up his actual numbers for total testosterone. I was told by my nurse that my lab results had "good news" that my levels were normal. They were actually in the lowest 5th percentile for my age, and felt terrible. I got real treatment and feel MUCH better. First, however, I tried the gels, but I felt worse. Injections work well for me. Most of us on therapy also need to have our estrogen levels in check. Doctors who do not monitor estrogen levels have no business administering testosterone therapy There is hope.

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Re: Ready to give up

Postby tjw » Mon Oct 24, 2016 3:56 am

I don't think Job is being hostile or sarcastic. It's not his nature, he's very helpful to a lot of people on here.

He's just pointing out the awful truth that we don't do research based on potential of helpfulness to people. Only "solutions" which can be exploited for large money.

However, the Lord Jesus Christ is coming !!!! My eyes are more and more pointed to the east each day.

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Re: Ready to give up

Postby ledgemoor » Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:38 am

One other thing. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier.

Check out Trimix or Caverject. These cause the vessles at the base of the penis to open and fill the penis with blood. It is used where Viagra and the like won't work, including men who would otherwise be non-functional due to damage from prostate surgery. It does not depend on hormones or nitric oxide. You stay hard for an hour or more, even after ejaculation :-).

It is injected, but uses a very small needle. I doubt you could even feel it. It is squarely mainstream medicine, nothing alternative or cutting-edge about it. Any urologist should be able to show him (or you) how to do it and write the prescription. You could be enjoying sex within days!

I know how frustrating dealing with medical issues, especially complex ones that affect your marriage bed, can be. Know that I an many others here will be praying for you, and are here for not only lay medical advice, but also emotional support, as much as we can be given it's the internet. I do apologize if my part in the banter with Job seemed to minimize your problem or anything like that. That was not my intention, and I'm sure was not his either.

Hang in there -- you have every reason to have faith that things will improve.
Last edited by ledgemoor on Mon Oct 24, 2016 6:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Job29Man
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Re: Ready to give up

Postby Job29Man » Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:49 am

I apologize for being insensitive Brianna.
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

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UPDATE-

Postby Brianna » Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:49 am

After 5 years of therapy, diet, exercise and every drug DH has decided to get an implant to address ED. His consultation was yesterday and he's hoping to fast track the surgery so he will be well enough for PIV when we go on vacation in March. The urologist is going to try to make it happen in time.

Does anyone here have any experience or feedback with implants?


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Last edited by Brianna on Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

tjw
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Re: Decided to get a penile implant

Postby tjw » Sat Dec 03, 2016 12:15 pm

I don't have any experience to share but I'm so very glad for both of you. May God add His protection, care, and rich blessing, and provide His wisdom to your surgeon.

I'll be looking forward to hearing your reports about it if you feel comfortable to bring us the news.

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Re: Decided to get a penile implant

Postby Brianna » Sat Dec 03, 2016 2:13 pm

Thank you for your prayers. I'm cautiously optimistic. I just don't want to get too excited too quickly. I don't want him to feel pressured at all.


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Re: Decided to get a penile implant

Postby kupplekansas » Sun Dec 04, 2016 6:19 am

I'm not meaning to talk your husband out of anything.....HOWEVER, if it was me, I would take the time to explore this which I just ran across today:

http://video.foxnews.com/v/511842308500 ... show-clips

I will probably be looking into it too.

Blessings,

Him

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Re: Decided to get a penile implant

Postby Brianna » Sun Dec 04, 2016 7:19 am

We're tired of exploring. It has taken its toll on him as a man and on our marriage.


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beginner

Postby Brianna » Wed Jan 11, 2017 7:34 am

My DH and I have been married for 5 years. (Second marriage for both) we have struggled with ED for almost the entire time and have had very little PIV. He is getting a penile implant in a few weeks. Once he heals we will begin to become reacquainted sexually.

Something I noticed in the beginning of our marriage is that he is not experienced sexually. In fact, he's downright bad in bed. He's clumsy and seems almost like a virgin. As part of our efforts to have sexual intimacy during our marriage we have gone to a sex therapist, read books, watched educational videos, etc. I'm more experienced than he is and I enjoy sex immensely. I'm also 13 years younger than him.

When we start having PIV again I think I'm going to have to "teach" him. I've never been in this position and don't know how to do this without feeling that I'm coming across as demanding, dominant or condescending in bed. His ego is understandably fragile. I want to continue to help him feel confident not inadequate. I know that I have to use positive reinforcement, tell him what I like, etc, but I still can't help but feel concerned about the atmosphere that type of communication creates with someone who is recovering from feelings of inadequacy. I'm not sure how to approach this. Any suggestions would be appreciated.


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Last edited by Brianna on Wed Jan 11, 2017 7:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 62 year old beginner

Postby tjw » Wed Jan 11, 2017 9:17 am

Although much older than I was, like your husband, I arrived at marriage with very little sexual knowledge too. I felt very inadequate because my wife was experienced and it seemed a very difficult upstream swim because nothing I did pleased her. She complained every day even though I provided her with her orgasms every time, she had experienced orgasms during PIV with former lovers and was severely disappointed.

You have the right idea in using positive reinforcement. I think if my wife had been a bit more patient and loving and made her comments instructive, I would have been willing to learn and been taught what pleased her. In my case, every thing I did was inadequate, and I honestly think nothing I could have done would have pleased her. At least, not at my capability level which I admit was inferior to hers.

The first couple of years of our marriage was real "rocky" because of this. There were a few months of assorted psychological ED included in them, too.

At one point, I actually asked a urologist for a penile implant, which, of course, he refused because I wasn't physically incapable of erection. My thought was that if I had a prosthesis, I could maintain my erection much longer and possibly get her to orgasm through PIV which is what she said was her biggest source of disappointment. I think the prosthesis may become an asset for both of you and it may help your husband to feel better about himself.
There's nothing a man wants to be more than his wife's hero. And, it makes him feel totally useless and worthless when he can't please her sexually.

I'm going to ask God to give you His wisdom and His way as you go forward. His way will be much better than anything I can provide you, although I sincerely wish you the best and would love to assist if I could.

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Re: 62 year old beginner

Postby Romantic Husband » Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:17 am

There's nothing a man wants to be more than his wife's hero. And, it makes him feel totally useless and worthless when he can't please her sexually.


This. Be patient, supportive, and lavish in your praise. Lovingly suggest and guide him. Remember, the tone and attitude of your voice and expressions are EVERYTHING.
Matthew 19:26 - With God all things are possible.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

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Is there a connection

Postby Brianna » Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:20 am

My DH has suffered from ED for our entire marriage which is 5 years. He's getting a penile implant next month. He is a wonderful husband. He is very attentive, caring any protective. Sometimes he seems to over compensate and he seems nervous. For example, we went on a cruise recently. I was in the bathroom washing up before bed. Instead of tapping on the door to let me know he needed to use the restroom, he actually left our stateroom in his pjs to find a public restroom. I thought this was absurd and was really annoyed. I told him all he needed to do was let me know he needed to go to the bathroom. He said he didn't want to interrupt. What???? The only thing I can think of that he just doesn't want to "rock the boat" where I'm concerned. Career wise and in church leadership he is strong. But when it comes to me he seems clueless. Is this behavior a sign of him having low confidence as a result of his ED? Your thoughts?

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Re: ED and self confidence

Postby tjw » Mon Mar 13, 2017 7:17 am

The connection between ED and self-confidence for us men is well understood and documented. However, I don't see the correlation here.

This action is like the Dudley Doright cartoon where he lays down his red mountie blazer over a puddle that Nell is about to cross.

He goes beyond duty to make your life better in this small way because he wants you to know that above all, you are cherished, respected, and loved. There is nothing in this world a man wants to be, more than his wife's "hero". And, this is one way he can.

Brianna wrote:Career wise and in church leadership he is strong. But when it comes to me he seems clueless.


This action is also one which comes from his strength. We men sacrifice for our wives. It's what we do in obedience to "love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it". He may be "clueless" as to how you interpret the action, and to what your "love language" is, but it sounds like, to me, you have a terrific man there.

Brianna wrote:He is a wonderful husband. He is very attentive, caring any protective.


Yep, you can put this action into that "bag".

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Re: ED and self confidence

Postby jokerman » Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:49 am

I've done the same thing your husband did. We were in a hotel, and I simply left the room to use the public restroom rather than bug my wife who was doing her hair in our hotel bathroom. It wasn't a confidence thing so much as the inconvenience of trying to navigate the reality of two people/one bathroom.

The ED situation sounds like a serious issue. Him choosing another bathroom probably isn't.


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