Wish I Could Last Longer...

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
Husband_In_Training
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Husband_In_Training » Mon Dec 07, 2015 4:16 pm

ghostrider wrote:Why is your frequency only once a week? If you want to get better, it will probably take more frequent practice.


We're you replying to me? I don't want to hijack this thread, but as the HD member of our marriage, the frequency topic is another discussion entirely.

In the past 3 years we've never ML more than 6 times in one month so I don't really know when an opportunity to ML might happen. That's surely a contributing factor. The constant anticipation (is tonight the night?) makes it difficult to stay 'calm' when the elusive moment of marital bliss comes along.

In the end, if there was a trick to turning 60 or so seconds of euphoria into minutes of euphoria...well that would be a bit of a miracle. :-). I'm not sure any amount of kegels can do that.


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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby SLS » Mon Dec 07, 2015 11:37 pm

BatBoy08 wrote: I was under the impression that most men were able to last a loooooong time before orgams and I was in the minority.

You are definitely not alone batboy. It takes a lot of effort for me to last more than a minute or two. Each time is a victory.

Another thing you could try is having your wife give you a handjob earlier in the day before you have IC. That should lessen the urge to go more quickly during IC. I encourage you to keep at it and practice whatever method works best for you.
Husband_In_Training wrote:I wish I could say that was true. I've been sexually active with my wife for 15 years and it's still difficult to delay the point of no return for very long. In my case LM is so infrequent that no amount of thinking about the most disgusting things imaginable can get my mind off the fact that I'm actually having sex...wow! My DW doesn't care for slow and gentle, she wants hard and fast - so it's even more difficult to control. She doesn't

If my DW only wanted it fast and hard I would never last more than a minute. Have you talked with her about wanting sex to last longer for you? Is she willing to increase y'all's frequency in order to achieve this? One thing that can help is getting handjobs or breast sex during instances where you don't have time for IC but there is time enough for her to love on you.
George B. wrote:I don't thinking about disgusting things during sex really helps.

I agree that we shouldn't be thinking about disgusting things during sex but I have had real success by thinking or talking about non-sexual things. When my wife and I were getting into WOT more there were several instances in a row where I went the moment I entered her. By thinking about other things and talking to my wife about a TV show while I entered her and she got situated I was able to hold off my O. Different things work for different people.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby George B. » Tue Dec 08, 2015 3:09 am

Husband_In_Training wrote:In the end, if there was a trick to turning 60 or so seconds of euphoria into minutes of euphoria...well that would be a bit of a miracle. :-). I'm not sure any amount of kegels can do that.

I hear you. I've had very good results from doing them on a regular basis, especially in increased hardness and increased control, but it seems that perhaps they're not for everybody or that everyone sees the same results.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby ghostrider » Tue Dec 08, 2015 7:17 am

Is there a step by step guide here to practicing male kegels and edging correctly?

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby George B. » Tue Dec 08, 2015 8:03 am

I don't think so. However, it's not hard to find a good description on the internet of how to do them. Here's one example from WebMD. (the article is kind of medical and focuses on preventing male incontinence, which isn't all that sexy). I also downloaded an app from the iPhone store that helps with kegel exercises. I do them when driving and in traffic. You can do them at work at your desk or whatever.

As for the edging, I've never needed to practice that (and I wouldn't recommend practicing edging in the car or at work :shock: ) to have good control. However, you may find that you want to add that exercise, too. Others here on the board have described how to do edging in other threads, I think.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Husband_In_Training » Tue Dec 08, 2015 10:33 am

SLS wrote:One thing that can help is getting handjobs or breast sex during instances where you don't have time for IC but there is time enough for her to love on you.

Ha ha - You guys are funny. From a guy who's lucky to get only a few minutes of intimate time with his wife per week - the above ain't happening. If you do have a DW like that - get down on your knees right now and thank God ... You are a blessed man!
George B. wrote:I hear you. I've had very good results from doing them on a regular basis, especially in increased hardness and increased control, but it seems that perhaps they're not for everybody or that everyone sees the same results.

George - How does this work? Do you squeeze the Kegel muscles when you begin PIV to lessen the sensation or do you squeeze when closer to the PONR to calm down? Or both? For me, if PONR was say 90 on a scale of 100 ... At the beginning of PIV I'm at about 75-80. That 10% margin is really tough to maintain for very long. Where do the Kegels come into play?

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby SLS » Tue Dec 08, 2015 1:03 pm

SLS wrote:One thing that can help is getting handjobs or breast sex during instances where you don't have time for IC but there is time enough for her to love on you.

Why can't it happen? Have you ever asked your wife about this? Instead of just dismissing the idea that your wife would ever agree to this why not discuss it with her? Our IC frequency right now is about the same as yours (once a week) but DW is generous in between and is willing to give 5 minutes to pleasure me. Is there a reason why your wife wouldn't want to do this?

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Husband_In_Training » Tue Dec 08, 2015 4:23 pm

Wow - The generosity topic is a whole discussion unto itself. Let's just say I'm grateful for the occasional planet alignment that does happen. (DW has health / hormone issues, plus a lot of personal hang ups which aren't likely to change) Thanks for the encouragement though. In the end I want to bring DW the most pleasure possible. Lasting a little longer - if that's possible - is one thing I can contribute.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby George B. » Tue Dec 08, 2015 11:05 pm

Husband_In_Training wrote:George - How [do Kegels] work?

as I recall when I first started, I would squeeze my kegel muscles and slow down my breathing as I got to the PONR. The great thing about kegels (at least for me) is that it made me more aware of the PONR and where exactly it was so that I could stop right before I got there. Breathing control helps and slowing down thrusting helps, too. I remember that using slow grinding motions instead of thrusting in and out helps a lot for both you and her. Keeps you from coming too soon and actually can help push her towards orgasm, especially if you're in the CAT (coital alignment technique) position.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Nova » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:46 pm

Husband_In_Training wrote:the frequency topic is another discussion entirely.

I'm not sure it is. I know that, in my case, if I go upwards of a week without release, I'm on a hair-trigger, despite usually taking longer to finish than my wife. Frequency is a VERY important factor in how long it takes a man to orgasm. It might be one of the most important factors, and your wife should be aware of this. If she wants you to last longer, she's going to need to step up the frequency.
Please don't think I'm being aggressive just because I use strong language. If I'm posting on your thread, it's because I care.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Mortiki » Wed Dec 09, 2015 3:56 pm

Maybe it is not entirely the lube, frequency, or kegels but at times our personality type or traits. For instance take a dozen people and try to scare them with a person dressed as a bear suddenly entering the room. Some may respond quite differently than the next person.

But as I recall a type A personality is an anxious and self pressuring type. I doubt that is a good mix when it comes to PE.
Last edited by Mortiki on Mon Oct 16, 2017 6:28 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby soxfan1 » Thu Dec 10, 2015 11:18 am

You're not alone with this. I'm 53 and still suffer from severe PE. I usually O within a 30 to 60 seconds after insertion.

I think it has to do with a number of factors. First, for the last 10 years, we've averaged MingL about once a week. Even at this age, my drive is a lot higher than that. Second, we live in a small condo and if our two DD's are home, my DW will only ML if they are asleep. So a typical session takes place late at night, with no foreplay and no sounds. Think of perpetual hard and fast 'quickies'.

I've tried edging, kegals, thinking about other things, and nothing works. Even frequency doesn't always work.

My wife has told me that it doesn't matter to her as she says that she O's every time we ML (PIV, some manual, and occasional oral).

So keep you chin up and continue to bless your DW

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby George B. » Thu Dec 10, 2015 1:05 pm

Mortiki wrote:Maybe it is not entirely the lube, frequency, or kegels but at times our personality type or traits.

perhaps this warrants a scientific study (though I imagine scientists would say that PE is an evolutionary advantage--you can finish having sex quicker before the sabertooth tiger comes along and eats both of you up...) And I just had another idea to help with PE: what if you used your previous example and had a person dressed as a bear suddenly enter the room? I bet that would help distract from ejaculation! :mrgreen:
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Husband_In_Training » Thu Dec 10, 2015 7:19 pm

soxfan1 wrote:I think it has to do with a number of factors. First, for the last 10 years, we've averaged MingL about once a week. Even at this age, my drive is a lot higher than that....Think of perpetual hard and fast 'quickies'....My wife has told me that it doesn't matter to her

These facts are pretty much true for us too. Wonder how much correlation there is between PE and frequency when frequency differs greatly from desire. (duuhh) I've read that the average ML for married couples is about once per week. That seems way too little to maintain a bulletproof healthy loving marriage. I'd prefer 3-4 times a week. Unfortunately my DW is happy with about 1 per month. At least we're average. :-)

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby be64 » Thu Dec 10, 2015 11:48 pm

Once when we were first married my wife and I were in a hotel room and I woke up during the night and could hear the bed in the room above us squeeking obviously from the motion of thrusting. I layed there in amazement at various thrusting speeds and by how long this went on. At the time I was a very fast ejaculator. What helped me was to ejaculate twice in a session, first quickly then the second time with much more control.

With time practice and age I have now for many years been able to completely control my orgasm/ejaculation. I can ejaculate in thirty seconds or forty five minutes. Forty five minutes can make my penis sore though, not to mention my wife. My average penis in vagina time is ten to twenty minutes. I am now achieving the sex that I only dreamed of as a young man. Now when we are in a hotel room I tell my wife that we are the couple who can make the newlyweds in the room below us envious of our marathon sex.

As far as what is normal, when first married I would ejaculate upon penetration, and sometimes just rolling on a condom would set me off. Edging helped a lot.
The secret to having everything is believing you already do!

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Mortiki » Fri Dec 11, 2015 3:51 pm

Husband_In_Training wrote:Wonder how much correlation there is between PE and frequency when frequency differs greatly from desire. (duuhh)

It would seem that those that have high frequency of PIV and low drive would be the least prone to PE. Is this true? I suspect the condition of low drive and high frequency is not that common or exist at all? I have no conclusion really but maybe the conclusion reached is to have more PIV whatever the drive! Mort

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby be64 » Fri Dec 11, 2015 9:46 pm

I think that frequent sex would make one less prone to PE. My wife and I have sex at least every other day sometimes more. My wife wants sex almost as much as I do. Certainly she gets a lot of pleasure from it.
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby 2Bbest4her » Wed Dec 16, 2015 2:16 pm

We successfully used condoms to delay ejaculation. Sure, it doesn't feel quite as good but after 30 years of the PE struggle we didn't care. Enjoying my wife O during PIV was very rewarding to both of us. While she never complained, she finally admitted that she had wished for longer PIV. Being a woman who likes it fast and hard to finish it was impossible for me to last regardless of what I thought about, etc.

With condoms, I can last as long as I want. Even had to remove them a few times to be able to finish. Having DW ask "are you about there yet?" is nice. It's done wonders for my confidence. We don't always use a condom. I'm more in control even when we don't. My outlook about sex has changed. Didn't fully realize what years of equating my orgasm to failure had done.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Mortiki » Wed Dec 16, 2015 3:43 pm

2Bbest4her wrote: With condoms, I can last as long as I want.

Just truly amazed. I was always confused about condoms advertising sensitivity, who needs sensitivity? Who knew! That is because condoms for me were just the same quarter mile elapsed time with more rubber to burn.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby bigloop » Thu Dec 17, 2015 7:28 am

I have read a few places where there is an actual genetic link to time before ejaculation. This thought offers little hope of drastic improvements. Some here on this thread seem to be agreeing with this. But these scientific suggestions were saying things like "a 2 minute man might vary from .5 to 5 minutes, but not expect go get to 20 with any amount of training or effort." At my age, I'd be to tired at 20 anyway. :-)

There are also evidences that suggest social factors as well. Some call it the beta male effect. It is tied to the male's confidence and social standing compared to other males in his social groups. When and if the beta male gets to mate, he has to get it done quick if he expects to spread his genes. This is an innate response that we as higher socialized beings probably aren't conscious of. I don't buy into all the evolutionary who ha but I do think confidence can play a role in this for some.

Certainly frequency can play a role. I have noticed the more often, the longer I "tends" to last. But that is a loose tendency. Overall arousal plays more into it for me more often than not. But then sometimes, it just seems to go on and on and I have to work to get there. Other times it's a few seconds of glory only. One thing I have noticed is worrying about it does nothing but make it worse. Worrying about staying hard long enough to please the wife does little good either.

I've not been masturbating with any kind of regularity for several years now and I see no difference in the effect. Intercourse is just a whole different field of play. There was a time when I may have MB 10-15 times in a week and I saw much the same results as I have just shared in intercourse - varied. Though I would say that maybe overall - say 3 times out of ten - I would last longer back in the MB days. So physically, perhaps there was a "benefit" for me occasionally. But the mental price, the emotional price MB cost me was far greater then any perceived physical benefit. I'm never going back there. Intercouse is sooo much better now in sooo many ways.


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