ED problems in 20s

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
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how long does viagra stay in your system?

Postby confused_wife20s » Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:28 am

I noticed dh only gets weak morning erections usually, but if he has used V the night before then they are strong. Since they r supposed to indicate whether or not the physical side of things is ok, I wonder if this is evidence that his ED does indeed have some physical cause as well as the psychological one we r sure of. Any thoughts?

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Re: how long does viagra stay in your system?

Postby Dale » Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:32 am

Viagra usually stays in the system 4-6 hours, but depending on the guy, the effects can last longer.

ED can mask other physical problems, such as circulatory, diabetes, low testosterone, etc. Is your husband in good health otherwise? Has he had a complete physical lately, including a testosterone check?

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Re: how long does viagra stay in your system?

Postby married19 » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:32 am

I can tell a difference in tne mornings after I have taken it the night before.

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Re: how long does viagra stay in your system?

Postby Mr. Rkt » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:48 am

I've noticed its effects for up to 14 hours after taking it. Viagra blocks PDE5, an enzyme which is there to break down cGMP. cGMP is manufactured by the body from nitric oxide to relax the arteries to the penis, allowing for greater blood flow going in than is going out. PDE5 is always present, constantly breaking down the cGMP so that when arousal is completed, the cGMP will quickly go away, and the erection will dissipate. For various reasons, as men age they tend to produce less and less cGMP, but usually have the same amount of PDE5. At somepoint a tipping point is reached, and the body is not producing cGMP faster than it is being broken down by PDE5, and a complete failure of erection results.

However, there is a wide continuum of experience between complete erection and complete failure of erection. I'll bet that most men over 35 or so fall somewhere on that continuum, and don't really notice it because it is so gradual.

If any man takes Viagra, the cGMP in his system will build up because PDE5 is being blocked, and cannot break it down. So a man does not have to have full-blown ED to notice the effects of Viagra. By blocking the body's normal method of relieving an erection, most men will experience fuller and longer lasting erections.
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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby confused_wife20s » Sat Oct 30, 2010 5:56 am

Hmmm. Think things r going downhill. Please pray for our marriage and strength to work through this. Dh only wants to use the ed meds occasionally which means PIV once a month or less. He says there is no problem, that the problem is only mine and the point of counselling was to teach me that it's normal for a couple not to have PIV. We can still do other things about once a week, only ever when he wants. So I have to accept we can't do it and are unlikely to have children. He thinks over time things will improve and feel happier if we stop pretending there is a problem. I'm prepared to give this a go for a few months or a year, but then I may have to ask him to use the meds. Is that selfish?

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Oct 30, 2010 7:32 am

I'm so sorry. Selfish, not at all.

We can still do other things about once a week, only ever when he wants.


Do you mean that you do "other stuff" only when he wants to? That isn't how Christian marriages are supposed to work. If you want loving every day, it's his duty and privilege to step up and provide that to the best of his ability. On top of that, if there are medications that help him perform normally, he owes it to you to take them. The fact is that most married couples have PIV at least twice a week. Once a month is not normal. He absolutely has problem.

Children--that's an interesting angle. Perhaps this is his way to avoid having any? If you went into the marriage expecting children and he agreed to it, then he needs to take bottles of Viagra if necessary to make that happen.

Anyway, it's clear to me now that the big problem here isn't medical. This is going to be tough to resolve on your own. He needs someone to impress upon him that his marriage is in serious trouble, and he needs to change. Can you get counseling at your church or some other church, or is there an older couple you could talk to?

Praying for you both.
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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby confused_wife20s » Sat Oct 30, 2010 4:12 pm

Ledgmoor, thanks so much for your reply and your prayers. Both have really helped us through today. You made me realise I had to take action. I had a difficult chat with DH. I think our problem is more of poor communication. DH actually does still believe we have a problem but hates talking about how to work through it, as it reminds him if it and he feels such a failure :( it breaks my heart to see him so down about it all. When he said there's no prob he meant of a physical nature, although we both know about the borderline T levels. He's been refused treatment for that, so I accept the once a wk thing as part of that. He says the only way to get over the pysch part of it is to believe there is no physical prob and just use the meds sometimes. All v good. I just wish he'd said that before instead of telling me I'm the problem. Anyway, we'll b ok. Things get said in the heat of anger when emotions run high. Guess it's all part of the deal when we've been working thru this for 3 years! Thanks again for the support. Keeping u and DW in my prayers.

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Anyone TTC with ED?

Postby confused_wife20s » Sat Nov 27, 2010 8:11 am

Ok. This is more out of interest for future ref, but just wondering if anyone has experience of trying for a baby when Dh has ED. Any advice on the options would b good. We have obviously had to put off TTC so far as been dealing with ED the entire 3 yrs of marriage. Now accept that PIV is a treat only 1 or 2 times a month and there are other kinds of sex for all other times. Do we really hav any hope of TTC naturally? It cannot b planned around ovulation as any planning of ML puts pressure on DH and makes it unlikely to happen. PIV can only happen rarely when conditions r good for him and is unlikely to happen to b at the right time therefore. Won't even start trying for a while but getting curious as we'd originally planned on trying around now.....

Oh yeah. Forgot, that 1 or 2 times us using viagra. Anyone know if that's ok when TTC?

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Re: Anyone TTC with ED?

Postby mamame » Sat Nov 27, 2010 8:58 am

To be honest, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be thinking about having children until some of your other issues are resolved.

Children will amplify any problems that you already have.

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Re: Anyone TTC with ED?

Postby confused_wife20s » Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:40 am

Thanks for the reply mamame. We're not thinking of TTC just yet. It's looking like the ED itself will never be resolved. The problem will b resolved by a change in my attitude by which i will no longer perceive the ED to b a problem. This is what the counselling has taught me. It has taken us a long time to get to this stage. We r now building a good sex life that is not focused on PIV but involves it sometimes. I'm learning to accept things how they are. R u suggesting this is not a solution? I don't see how else we can make our marriage work! So I'm just interested to know if anyone else can relate to this challenging situation...

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby James186282 » Wed Dec 29, 2010 9:02 pm

I'm curious how things are working out? Did you get a copy of his labs. We had a thread about what "low normal" really means and how some labs don't seem to match up with others or how folks seem to be told "He is ok" in some countries (Mostly those with "free" heath care)

Anyway (I'm ranting now) if he is not showing much interest (Sex drive) this seems to speak to an issue with Testosterone. Erections might be part of the issue making it more difficult but there are many ways to deal with that. And from what you said many months ago he used to do other things (Non erections based sex) is he still doing that?

Praying you guys find some solutions soon!

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby confused_wife20s » Mon Jan 03, 2011 6:32 am

James. Thanks for your post. We weren't allowed a copy of the labs but at the moment the low T doesn't appear to be a problem as dh has no symptoms other than ED. Things are significantly improving: desire to ML 1 to 3 x per wk. PIV possible with meds. Sometimes it would b without but he loses it as soon as we try. It maybe psychological or maybe he's still learning to enjoy Piv. Due to PIV having always been such a struggle it seems it's still difficult for him to relax into it and he still can't have an O through PIV. Trying to just have fun and not stress over this and hope we'll get there eventually! :)

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby James186282 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:51 am

A few thoughts.

Has he discussed this with his Doctor? And does he take any meds at all? Difficulty reaching orgasm is not unheard of and it might be a medical and or drug issue that can be easily adjusted.

If thats not the issue have you had any talks about maybe seeing a therapist / sex therapist - we are finding therapy to be very helpful.

I've seen some posts by a couple that tried doing mutual masturbation as a way to learn each others sexual response (Sort of a how to) and this helped.

Without getting too graphic or gross we added a vibrator to what we do (PIV) to assure that we both reach orgasm during sex. Its not going to make things happen at the exact same time (Thats rare for most couples) but it sure helps it happen!


Good luck and don't give up.

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby confused_wife20s » Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:56 am

Thanks for these ideas. We don't think it's medical as dh had all the relevant tests, blood pressure is fine etc. He's quite fit, walks and does sport a lot, although slightly overweight. He's on no medications other than for ED. He has some problems with lower back causing nerve tingling in his legs when he does sports but that's all that troubles him. He has no difficulty in reaching O if i do it for him by mouth or hand so it seems a psychological prob with PIV only....I think....

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby James186282 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:38 am

Problems with orgasm might be serious. I would also ask for copies of all the labs. I've seen a lot of variety in whats termed "normal" for male testosterone for example. I know how difficult this is to ask but sitting down with a doctor and being specific "I'm having problems reaching sexual climax" is a really important step to getting the right kind of help. I know how hard this would be - maybe having you come with or having him bring a "script" to go over that would help???

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby confused_wife20s » Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:42 am

James, thanks, yeah I know you r right but we r having to take things very slow right now. One uncomfortable conversation on anything about sex seems to destroy DH's drive completely for a month or two and make the ED 10x worse. Last time I mentioned it he seemed to think I was trying to make problems. We are still very new to PIV so there are a few avenues I wish to investigate before suggesting going back to docs or counselling (we did nrly a yr of sex therapy which got us to where we r now but couldn't seem to progress us beyond this point and having spent a few hundred on it, we had to give up). Maybe he still needs to get used to PIV. He's had other kinds of sex for so many years and they r all much faster and firmer gripping iykwim (and yes, I did 1000s of kegels, made no difference!) Maybe he's holding on, waiting for me to finish? Maybe it's a side effect of ED meds, not unheard of! Maybe we're starting PIV too early. Anyway, I'm going to do some experimenting this next few weeks to try to figure this out. If it doesn't help, i'll hav to talk to him and see what he's thinking about it all. If I mention it this soon, he'll definitely view it as an attack or complaint and I can't put any pressure in him now. He's also decided he wants a baby now so is maybe already putting pressure on himself!

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby James186282 » Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:28 am

I would hold off on starting a family until you have figured out how to have a regular sex life. Once you have a child it will be 1000 times more difficult to find time to sort things out. I'm not by any stretch an expert in any of this but we started to see a couples therapist thats helped us. I think the ability to just communicate and find out what the other is saying correctly is a key item. Getting defensive, angry and frustrated are often miscommunications. When you said A did you mean to say B? That type of thing. That and not assuming that once he says this is will mean you have to act in a specific way.

I'm not saying this well but... Anyway please consider keeping at it. Distancing yourself and putting things aside is a perfectly normal defense but its not a good way to move forward.

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby confused_wife20s » Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:49 am

I'm not distancing myself and we r very definitely keeping working on this. Believe me, I worry about this every day and how we will solve it. Counselling taught us the best way to deal with this problem is to stop worrying so much and hav more fun. Trying too hard and setting targets to sort just puts pressure on and turns ML into a chore. Anyway last night I discussed the situation with dh. He says things r improving and we'll get there. We just need time, no pressure and more fun. I suggested going back to therapy but he says he doesn't feel we can get any more from it, we just need to apply what it taught us. As for kids, yep I'm waiting till we work things out with ML and then waiting some more. Guess it'll be a few years yet then.

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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby Paul B » Wed Jan 05, 2011 2:25 pm

A late note on this. Psychological vs physiological is not as easy as you might think. In part this is because "erection" is not a single thing. Various scales put erections at four or five levels, with only #4 or #4 and #5 being firm enough for intercourse. On the five point scale, a four will allow missionary and a few other positions, but may not some other positions. Oral can be done with any level, or even with no erection. Manual can be done with an erection that would not allow for intercourse.

So, if a guy gets a #3 erection most of the time, then he feels okay about anything other than intercourse. So when he has a #4 his wife is thinking intercourse, but he is fearful because he is unsure it will last, and that fear may cause him to lose his erection if he attempts intercourse.

Also be aware that there is a form of impotence in which a man gets a very firm erection, but can't maintain it.

POSSIBLE SOLUTION: Some men find a stretchy penis ring makes a significant difference in maintaining an erection, or in making a poor erection better. There is a physiological reason for this to help, but it also gives a bit of a mental boost.


Edited to change psychological to physiological
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Re: How to stop need ED meds for psychological ED - any advice?

Postby ledgemoor » Fri Jan 21, 2011 6:22 pm

Good to see you back on TMB, Confused_wife20s.

Various scales put erections at four or five levels

I can't relate to that -- mine is either large or small, no inbetween -- usually small. I must have a binary penis :-)

Some men find a stretchy penis ring makes a significant difference in maintaining an erection, or in making a poor erection better. There is a psychological reason for this to help, but it also gives a bit of a mental boost.

There is a physiological reason too -- it partially blocks blood from leaving the penis. I think you have to be careful not to wear them too long. According to Wikipedia, they can be used in conjunction with a pump by guys with total eretile failure.
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