Just another struggling engaged couple.

[42isaverb]

God's Greek- Getting married would help our college finances, but there are a few things in the way of us moving the date. I am renting a place with a friend right now, and am under a contract until the end of June. FH is currently living with a couple of roommates too. He is working on getting his own place, and we are talking about moving the date up, but I would have to find someone to fill my spot in the house I'm currently out to fulfill my contract. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's enough to keep us from getting married sooner.

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. I really feel my pride has played into a lot of my feelings. My attitude of "There's no way I would have sex before my wedding day, and I don't understand how anyone would," has really come back to me. Before FH, I never imagined a physical attraction could be so strong. That being said, we are both fighting to make it until our wedding day, and seeking God on moving the date.

And my brother is officiating the wedding. I know we would have to suck it up, but I don't want to walk up to him and say, "We want to move the date because we can't wait to have sex." How awkward will that be? Lol.

[KyWildcat]

And my brother is officiating the wedding. I know we would have to suck it up, but I don't want to walk up to him and say, "We want to move the date because we can't wait to have sex." How awkward will that be? Lol.

OK it might be awkward but I'd hope your brother would also see it as God honoring.

Much Blessing!
KW

[thinkingswiftly]

Well, you have Biblical grounds for what you are doing, and as DW and I found, sometimes the most unlikely people, especially pastors, have the most interesting stories.

[Ricky&Lucy]

I grew up in a Christian home and have been commited to sexual purity until marriage.

I do not believe that I can add much to this discussion because all of the advice seems to be spot on. I just want to comment on something I usually go over in pre-marital counseling... in reference to what I quoted from the OP. I understand the wisdom of this but I would like to add that many people are taught to remain "pure" until marriage. I bring this up because sex in marriage is pure. We don't give up our purity when we get married... the purity continues when you have sex as a married couple. What I have ran into was young men and women with this idea of purity (which is good) but they feel they "lose" something once they get married and do the deed. This has added to sexual disfunction later in the marriage (or even early on) because they have it in their head that what they are doing is dirty... or rather "not pure."

It looks like you have been given some great words of wisdom from a lot of great people... I will be praying!

Ricky

[42isaverb]

Just a little update.

My fiance and I have been discussing moving the date to our spring break, in March. He is about to move into his place ( our future home) and God has begun working things out for us. One of our biggest concerns was finding a roommate to replace me. My roommate approached me yesterday and asked if another girl could move in with us. If that works out, I could easily move out sooner without breaking my contract, losing my deposit and putting her in a tough spot.

We are going to talk to my preacher about it on Sunday. (He is overseeing the wedding, but my brother will officiate, as it will be my brother's first wedding to officiate, which I think is really awesome)

At any rate, we are praying that God will work it out for us to get married sooner. The prospect of waiting 3 months instead of 6 months is much better. Thank you for all of your advice. It has really helped us make wiser choices.

[thelovedtwo]

Fully agree with everyone - you have sinned (like everyone else on these boards, in various ways), but that's why Jesus died and rose again. Seek forgiveness and receive that forgiveness. There is great freedom in that. There is probably some level of healthy guilt that causes us to want to please God and not sin. But there is also a lot of unhealthy guilt used by Satan to keep us defeated. You suffered a defeat, but that doesn't have to defeat you. Romans 7 & 8 speak of this battle with sin - it's not just one skirmish. So, don't let this one defeat determine the outcome of the entire battle.

As others have said - certainly look to avoid tempting situations. You will both think you're stronger than you are. You're not. Again, I believe that is one of Satan's great tools to deceive us. Keep yourselves from those situations. So what if you seem extreme - you'll be grateful for that on your wedding day and hereafter.

I mostly agree with the concept of moving your wedding day up. But, I wonder if there's something to be said for keeping it the same as it has been - delayed gratification - etc. Are there things for God to teach us, ways in which for Him to shape us in the mean time. I counsel many couples before they get married. Because we have a church made up of lots of new Christians and not-yet Christians, numerous couples will be sleeping together, and many living together. If they are followers of Jesus, I will challenge them that they made a commitment to follow Jesus, and one of the best ways we can honor that commitment is to strive to live life how God intended. As a way to honor God and own this relationship with Him, I encourage them to abstain from sex until the wedding day, and if possible move to separate living quarters. I'm amazed at how many couples honestly take me up on that, and report back on how they're doing(!). Some stumble, many make it and are extremely glad they did. We talk about forgiveness, about guilt, about how God wants your sexual life to succeed and sex was designed and is very good in marriage.

Again - just a thought. You've gotten lots of advice from followers of Jesus here, that suggest moving the wedding date up. I'm sure there's wisdom in that.

[amada]

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this (I have not read every post in this thread), but are you doing pre-marital counseling? If not I highly recommend it. If you are a member of a church ask your pastor if he has any suggestions. Make sure it is someone that you look up to spiritually. You should bring the situation up in this pre-marital counseling. I know this will be hard, awkward, and possibly embarrassing, but it will really be helpful given you have some one that will handle it in the right manner.

[heartofsong]

How exciting that you might can move up the date! Do keep us updated.

[42isaverb]

We are officially moving up the date. (Let the hectic preparations begin!)

We started pre-martial counseling with my mom's pastor, at my mom's request. We will discontinue that because of scheduling conflicts and time. We are doing some pre-marital counseling with my brother, who will be officiating the wedding. It's his first time to do that type of counseling. It has been helpful though.

My mom isn't excited about it, neither is my step-dad. I'm not sure how to deal with that. She sat me down a couple of weeks after telling her we were moving the wedding and explained to me all of her concerns regarding moving the wedding and me getting married in general. A couple of her concerns were nothing more than a worrying mother. A couple were valid, but FH and I are working through those issues. I listened and thanked her for her concern and told he I would definately think about what she told me. She said she would move on with the wedding plans, but if I changed my mind, just to let her know. She said she wouldn't mention it again. From there, she's made snide comments and talked to my dad and brother about how she feels. I'm so frustrated with the situation.

Sorry to bring up another issue, but how do you deal with that?

[thinkingswiftly]

I think it depends on what the issues you are supposed to be working on are for one, for the other I'd suggest swapping premarital counselors (I don't know your family but I'd be worried about your conversations not being completely confidential) and letting everyone know point blank that snide comments are not acceptable behavior and are grounds for life-long problems.

[gherkin]

It's good that you're doing counseling, but here's the problem: do you and your fiance feel comfortable discussing sexual temptation with your BROTHER? I'd say that topic is a pretty high priority for you to be discussing with a counselor right now (not just random people on the internet!) and it may be just me but if it were my brother I would feel pretty awkward about that. If you're cool with it, that's great, but please make it a priority to discuss the things you've shared in this thread with whatever counselor you're seeing.

[kowife]

The best I can say is ask for forgiveness. Dont move the date up, make sure your right in Gods eyes but right for each other. Good luck