Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Low testosterone issues, impacts on health & marriage, treatments, etc.
SrAirmanswife13
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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Thu Jun 04, 2015 2:02 pm

He's been on the doubled dose (four pumps of 12.5mg gel) for about a week now. It took about 2 weeks to get clearance from the insurance company again. Our insurance changed again, long story. But, no change that I can see. I would absolutely share your story and tell him I want him to try the shots if I didn't know, with certainty, that I'll get the whole "you're being demanding... you only want me for sex... you must not really care about my health" stuff again. I don't know when his follow up appointment is to get his numbers checked again. We'll see...

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Thu Jun 04, 2015 2:51 pm

I have one other thing that I just want to vent about because I have nobody else to tell... I messed up again and put myself in a position to be hurt. I went and got a bikini wax because we're going on vacation in a couple weeks and for the first time in my life I had it all removed. I didn't exactly consult with my hubby. He knew I was going and didn't express any opinion about it. That's not where I messed up. No. My screw up came when I asked him what he thought about it. I was feeling like my skin was thick enough at the moment that I could jump in the shower with him, have him not react to me whatsoever, and be okay. I messed up by asking him what he thought about the difference in my appearance. He just said "I don't care, babe." Ouch! I want him to care. I need him to care. Please, God, let his treatment start working. :(

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SquarePants » Thu Jun 04, 2015 3:12 pm

I have read multiple stories about husbands who reluctantly got treatment at the insistence of their wife, and the story ends with the husband being very grateful for their wife's efforts. Hang in there. I didn't have the libido problems, but it felt like both a physical and mental depression combined. My estrogen levels recently went high temporarily and it reminded me of that feeling of being wrapped in a thick, heavy wet blanket while sleep deprived.

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Jun 06, 2015 5:01 am

So sorry you went to all the effort (and pain -- ouch!) to do something special for your husband, and got no response. However, having had low testosterone myself, I'm not surprised.

"you're being demanding... you only want me for sex...

I would tell him "You know that's not true. But I do feel that way at the moment. When you are deprived, that's all you can think about."

Squarepants is absolutely right. Do what you have to do, playing hardball if necessary, to get this taken care of. DW & I were watching Mark Gungor & I thought of you.
http://www.markgungorshow.com/show/category/archives
Look at the Jun 1 2015 episode, starting at the 20-minute mark.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Tue Jun 09, 2015 1:47 pm

Thank you for the link. I watched. It was good. I find it hard to demand what I need here because frequency is not the issue, it's lack of passion. It's the things you can't fake. It's giving me that look and telling me I'm sexy and touching me anywhere below the shoulders when he holds me at night. It's a connection thing. It's taken me a very long time, two years, to start to accept that while lack of testosterone doesn't stop him from winking at me or saying things to me that make me feel beautiful or letting his hands explore me, it's testosterone that would give him the urge to do those things. He could do them. It just doesn't occur to him to do them. A few nights ago I asked him when his follow up appointment is and he told me not to worry about it. He quickly suggested some things going on in my life that I could worry about instead. It's this kind of stuff that really hurts at this point... basically being told to mind my own business when I try to get involved. But at least he is getting treatment, even though it isn't doing any good yet.

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Mon Jul 13, 2015 11:51 am

Last time I brought up anything about his treatment, I think I just asked when he was supposed to go back to have his numbers checked, I was told basically to mind my own business. He told me not to worry about it and then suggested some things in my life that I can worry about instead....
So, last week when he mentioned, out of the blue, that he was sick of the gel and going back to the doctor requesting shots instead, I kept my mouth shut. I didn't say a word. He didn't notice. So, he went back last week and had his blood drawn again Thursday morning. He hasn't told me if they've called him with results. I'm trying hard to be patient with him but it's getting hard. Yesterday morning we were laying in bed together and I broke my own rule and tried to initiate. Bad, bad, bad idea. I was kissing him and tugging at his clothes and he looked at me with anger in his eyes and snapped "did you ever think I'm not interested?" (when he is interested I don't have the option of saying I'm not) I turned away from him and he said "I didn't say you had to turn away from me. You know, you're always saying you just want me to love you" (his way of saying I should be satisfied with holding each other) and I was so hurt by the tone of his rejection I was crying. I said "loving me starts with being nice". And he said "I'm sorry. I'll try to be more politically correct next time."
I was so hurt, I cried most of the day... and he silently beat himself up all day. I came very close to saying forget it, I don't ever want to have sex with you again.
He says he doesn't understand why I can't communicate with him.... I get my head bit off every time I try!

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby poetess » Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:02 pm

Sorry those responses were so rude and hurtful. They don't sound like they have anything to do with whether he does or doesn't want sex, though, but just with general rudeness.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby Leah » Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:32 pm

Do you want to stay married to him?
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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Wed Jul 15, 2015 1:34 pm

Yes. Period. As bad as this all is, it's nothing compared to what I went through with my first husband or 15 years. And things are only like this when this subject comes up. I guess I should stop venting on here. I have nobody else to tell because I'm not going to poison the water with my friends and family. They all love him. And I love him. I just really hope his replacement therapy starts working soon.
He had his first injection two days ago. He said it hurt like crazy. He mumbled something about being tired of all this. If he decides to stop treatment we will have to have a serious talk about that.

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Wed Jul 15, 2015 1:42 pm

Leah wrote:Do you want to stay married to him?

Wait.... are you suggesting that someone might throw in the towel over this?? Or are you tired of listening to me vent?

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby ledgemoor » Thu Jul 16, 2015 5:40 am

Vent away as far as I'm concerned :D.

I'm so sorry he talked to you that way. If I were you we would be having that serious talk NOW. Let him get upset. Anyway....

Glad he is trying injections. It is a safe bet they will work better than cream, and even if not, they won't be any worse, and only once a week, and cheaper. So this is a no-lose decision.

As for the pain, my first reaction is to tell him to man up and take it. Usually injections don't hurt much, but once in a while it can be torture. I have had about three really painful injections in 4 years. Once in a while you hit a nerve. Doing it in the butt hurts a lot less than the thigh. Sometimes I don't even feel it, and usually I can just feel it or just SLIGHT pain, like a gentle pinch.

Use a 25 gauge needle. You can draw into a 25-ga needle if you are patient, but usually you draw using a 20-ga, then switch to 25 for injection. A smaller needle is not only more comfortable, but more effective. (The bigger the number the smaller the needle). Use 1" long needles and inject slowly for maximum benefit.

Does he do it at home, and do you do it? I can inject myself in the thigh, but would rather not. DW doesn't like doing it either, but hey, I figure it is the least she can do seeing she is a primary beneficiary :lol:. Also, if you do it you can make sure it gets done.

It took me a month (4 injections) to notice any difference, but after 2 months I was pretty good.

Keep us updated, OK?
Last edited by ledgemoor on Wed Aug 12, 2015 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:21 am

Sorry, Leah's question felt like a slap in the face. I'm not exactly sure why. But, to me it's absolutely ridiculous to be thinking that way.

As for the rest, they used a really big needle on him and I wish they hadn't done that. He's not giving up. I think he was just venting when he said he's getting tired of this. I like to think that I could give him the injections if I have to but, I really don't like the idea. I could never have gone into healthcare, I get lightheaded at the sight of blood. My sister-in-law is the same way and a couple years ago my nephew was found to be diabetic. She has to give him injections now. So, I'm thinking if she can do it I can do it.

He's scheduled to get his every two weeks. I don't know how big of a difference that makes...

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Wed Jul 22, 2015 1:43 pm

Update. When they checked his levels this time he had fallen to a 235. That was after they had doubled his dosage of Androgel 4 weeks earlier.

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Wed Aug 12, 2015 8:26 am

Just an update. He has now had 3 injections. He gets his every other Tuesday. There is no change whatsoever.

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SquarePants » Wed Aug 12, 2015 8:47 am

Do you know the dose?

I'd highly recommend injections at least once a week. Otherwise, he'll get a huge spike at the beginning of the first week. By the end of the first week, he'll start dragging, and won't feel very well for the second week.

Is the doctor monitoring estrogen levels? If he's taking one big dose every other week, the big spike in testosterone will cause a high conversation rate of estrogen. High estrogen will block the positive effects of the increased testosterone. When my estrogen went high, it felt like my testosterone levels were low.

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby Leah » Wed Aug 12, 2015 8:52 am

It might be worth considering whether you can be more supportive about your husband. Maybe ask what happened when other couples were working through this issue. There are no magic bullets. It might be time to adapt to new ways of having intimacy in marriage without so much negativity. Ask the doctor if there is support somewhere.
Leah

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Thu Aug 13, 2015 2:31 pm

He's on testosterone cypionate 200, he gets 0.5ml injected every two weeks. The nurse who injected him this week, because we aren't doing it at home yet, said that is a low dose. I don't know if she's monitoring his estrogen levels or not. In the interest of keeping things positive between us I don't press him for information. He gives me details when he feels like it.

I also take every little opening I can find to squeeze every possible bit of bonding and intimacy out of our relationship that I can... to the point that I sometimes feel like a doormat. I go along to get along and I let him win arguments when I know I'm right, all the time. This is the only place that I'm negative because I'm using it as a place to vent negative things that I do not say anywhere else. We do have a lot of fun together doing other things, shallow, trivial things like grocery shopping. We laugh a lot. We just aren't close. It's like he has a boundary around him to keep me from getting too close and when I try to breech that line, I get bit.

I agree that we should talk to someone about this but how do I get us there when even pointing out that there's a problem gets me snapped at? It's fairly obvious to me that the problem is that he feels inadequate and embarrassed because of this low-t. He feels vulnerable, like his manhood is gone... and to keep me from seeing that weakness, he won't let me in. He holds me at arm length.

I'm still hoping that we can rebuild what we've lost once he doesn't feel this inadequacy anymore. I'll just keep trying to build him up and try not to notice that he doesn't hold my hand anymore and goes days without kissing me. I don't know what plan anyone could come up with that would be better.... I'm not going to subject my husband to more embarrassment. It just makes things worse.

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby Leah » Thu Aug 13, 2015 3:11 pm

Maybe you can find some IRL support. Ask the doctor. There might be some kind of support group in your area. There seems to be an online forum for everything. Maybe you would find more women who are walking through this process who have better counsel.
Leah

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SquarePants » Thu Aug 13, 2015 4:33 pm

For reference, I’m taking 0.3 ml injections, but I’m getting them twice a week.

Your husband’s behavior sounds like it may have a lot in common with depression, which is very possible if he’s had low testosterone and/or elevated estrogen. Depression can be a dark cloud. When my testosterone levels were low, it was one of my symptoms. It was hard to feel deeply happy and to experience joy. Bad feelings can be amplified, and good feelings can be numbed. Fortunately, it was only a brief episode for me. I’ve known multiple people who turned into mean people while they were under the influence of depression. This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it may make it feel a little less personal.

I read a book called “Depression Fallout,” which I read when someone close to me was dealing with depression. It mentions that there is often a “fallout partner,” who is usually someone very close to the person with depression. The person with depression is often especially mean to the fallout partner. Here’s a link to the author’s website.

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Re: Complicated! On the right track, finally.

Postby SrAirmanswife13 » Fri Sep 18, 2015 1:00 pm

Just an update. There's still no change. It's been 9 weeks since he started the injections. He's now giving them to himself at home. Still a .5ML injection of Cypionate 200mg/mL every other Tuesday. His appointment with the doctor isn't until the middle of October. I don't understand why the doctor waits so long to check his levels. Is 15 weeks a reasonable amount of time? I've been researching and found a men's clinic that deals specifically with men's sexual issues in the city that's an hour from us. I e-mailed him a link to their site yesterday and now I'm waiting for a good time to discuss it. I think he should see a specialist.


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